Questions For Hootie Johnson

On Wednesday, Hootie Johnson will enter Augusta National's state-of-the-art press building for his annual no-comment session with the world's leading scribblers. He will probably be joined by the club's Chair of Winter Storm Damage Storage, Will Nicholson, and Question Screening Committee Chair, Billy Payne.

First, a question for Nicholson:

• Last year you said, "There are no top players that I talk to that aren't unanimous that the ball is changing the nature of the game. The ability to move the ball right, or left, as the old timers did, is now out of the game." Have you recommended a change in the ball to your friends at the USGA?

And now, here are a few questions I'd love to ask Hootie:

• Are you concerned that several holes, in their present configuration, will not allow for increases in length.
  
  
• Bobby Jones, while looking out at Augusta National with Alistair Cooke, once remarked that he "didn't see a need for a tree on a golf course." With that in mind, do you really believe he would approve of so much tree planting?

• Have club members and USGA officers Walter Driver and Fred Ridley asked you not to adopt a Masters ball spec?
  

• With ShotLink now being used to collect data, will this information be made available to patrons and media?

• And...Martha Burk:  great woman, or the greatest woman? (With apologies to Colbert.)
  

I'd love to hear what you would like asked.

Comments

[J.P.]

Is your middle name Tootie?

[Mark]

Hasn't the world golf rankins gotten out of hand with you by-passing an American for Win One Soon?

[Carl]

I thought your course make over in 2000 was to accomodate the new golf balls and to re-store the same shot quality that each hole had once required? Here we are 5 years later, and haven't you basically repeated the whole process again? How much was the membership assessed back in 2000, and how much in 2005? As the Chairman of Augusta, can't you cut off the bar privileges of Ridley and Driver?

[Brett]

The higest assessment should have gone to Arnie for endorsing these aluminum bats in the first place. How much did you assess Arnie?

[OldSchool]

Your high strutting club kept blacks out for generation after generation, witnessing the basic land scape changes over the past 41 years, don't you think it might be time to name a couple of honorary women ambasadors to the club, especially since womens golf has come so far since the days of Babe Zaharias? My suggestion for induction would be Kathy Witworth and Nancy Lopez, this way Kathy and Nancy could wheel you Driver and Ridley from the new back tees, without you guys having to give them any shots.

[J. McBride]

Can you pair Vijay directly behind Phil again, that was fun.

[M. Kavanaugh]

Can the grounds crew take some body bags and bikini wax over to 14 so Gary can continue to entertain us, instead of that monotone baffoon, Bobby Clampett? Was his father Jeb?

[David C.]

Wouldn't a specific compression golf ball solve all your problems? And with all the millions of dollars your club has spent, couldn't the club have bought Top Flight for pennies on the millions? Do you use an economic board of existing members when weighing these decisions?

[Kirk]

Why don't you get rid of the cheap crystal for eagles and bump it up to a free Buick, seeing that GM can't hardly give them away, and you could strike a deal at $1000 over cost?

[Charles]

After those honorary inductions, why not invite Annika to compete? Statesmen should lead by example. Especially if we have to witness a past champion play, not break 100, and not turn in a card. NC, no class.

[Frank]

Can you have a dress code requirement for Jimmy Roberts? And do we really have to watch the heart tugging mini documentaries by Jimmy and Jim Nantz? How about some club history on past members, or even club employees, caddies, anything with some real history to the place.

[MacDuff]

Why are patrons allowed to place their chairs around the eighteenth green at 8:35 am, when they never seem to occupy them until after 4pm?

[NRH]

'Old School' is lobbying for women members at Augusta?
Must be referring to Wellesley.

Love the 'piled for removal' reference Geoff...the one instance where we all got to see exactly how different that place/tourney is run, on live television no less. Somehow I can't imagine him subbing 'Thongchai' for 'Ernie'.

Augusta National, where cups and wrappers are green and litter patrol is on duty 24/7, would just throw some downed branches 20 yards into the forest to be removed at a later date.

"Phil, I'm sorry wabout this confusion, but those azaleas have been piled for removal...Merlin Olsen is coming by next week. Free drop."

[J.J.]

Will you be serving any of that left over cheese spread from last year?