Golf Digest Break 100 Thing Returns; World's Haikuist's Rejoice Over Six Word Entry Essay
Because it's un-American to let a highly-rated, all-around hugely successful thing die, the folks at Golf Digest, NBC and the USGA are bringing back the Golf Digest Challenge.
But there's a catch: last year's 100-word essays were too long-winded, so this time around the Digest editorial team will only have to consume 56,000 six-word submissions. Oh, and those "encouraged" videos (wink, wink).
My gut says the 100-word essay was not eliminated to keep Craig Bestrom from smashing his Macbook after reading 6,000,000 inane words. No, I think it's to protect Bestrom from my multiple entries on the sheer hideousness of Rees Jones's remodeled 18th hole at Bethpage Black (pictured, left...but don't stare at it too long...it may cause macular degeneration).
Still, I've sketched out a few six word entries and was hoping you might tell me which of the following has the best chance of winning. And of course, feel free to post your own below should you need some friendly feedback.
Okay, here we go.
In the blatant rear-end kissing division:
- Jerry Tarde is God...pick me
Garnering sympathy category:
- One golfer, in spite of himself.
- Viagra doesn't work for me anymore.
I missed my calling as a not-as-clever-as-I-think ad executive, division:
- Intelligently designed to break one hundred.
- Live free, work hard, break 100.
- Six words is the new 100.
The I-am-perfect-for-a-reality show mindset:
- I am a narcissist...pick me.
- Because everyone else pretty much sucks.
- My dying wish: meet Mark Rolfing.
Inane, cliched and apparently never going away Mastercard rip-off category:
- Knowing I might break 100? Priceless.
Homage to President-elect Obama:
- Fired up and ready to go!
And I'll let your imagination determine where this goes...
- Once you go Bethpage Black, you...
Tuesday, November 11, 2008 at 07:40 PM
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Reader Comments (28)
The runner-up entry would have to be the heartfelt wish to meet Mark Rolfing.
Have to sign off now, my glasses are misting up.
I'd work with the fact that no one associated with the show wants a pain-in-the-ass around on game day, when it's all about the celebrities. I'd try:
"I brought my own lunch, thanks"
"I won't break 100, I promise"
"Celebrities deserve more, they've earned it".
"you're too lazy to read letters"
Spend 5 minutes looking for every ball that's a foot or more off the fairway...then hack a bunch of five irons into greenside bunkers from the ridiculous rough...then maybe or maybe not get up and down...play 17 and 18 in the dark because of slow play...post an 84 that so easily could have been an 83 or 85...then a few years later try to recall one memorable hole other than the two played in the complete darkness...you watch replays of the 2002 U.S. Open and refuse to believe that was the same course you played such a forgettable round...but you can't wait for the 2009 U.S. Open because it's gonna be so frickin' awesome...then you'll jump at the next chance you get to play the course where Tiger won two U.S Opens.
I'm Rees's brother, can I play?
"Old" technolody can break 100, too
Take my persimmons from my cold dead...
Overpriced putters don't putt any straighter...
And congrats to Smol-mom, btw, from another string. Way to go!
frankD
"I have six months to live."
"Cancer, virus, amputee, you name it."
"My sad story's worse than yours."
"Justin Timberlake got my daughter pregnant."
And what Pete said: Way to go Smol-mom!
Pete: What about the brassie cleek mashie-niblick midiron?