Tim Finchem first appeared on CNBC this morning offering nice tight, crisp and upbeat answers. Then he picked up the phone and lulled us scribblers to sleep with at times condescending but consistently long-winded "opening remarks."

Highlights from the Q&A:

Lastly, let me turn for a few moments to the question of what's the effect of not having Tiger play the TOUR. I've been interested to see commentary from a different number of directions in the last week, specifically since Friday, since Tiger's announcement, that projects significant doom and gloom for the PGA TOUR, even to the point where Saturday Night Live got involved and had us losing most of our sponsors. Let me just parenthetically say that the rumor that I keep on flask on my desk is not true, that was spawned by the Saturday Night Live telecast on Saturday night.

Does Jacksonville's Comedy Zone have an amateur night? Could be in the Commish's future?

Q. I had a couple of questions. Do any of the comments and what we know about Tiger fall under conduct unbecoming? I know you can't speak to fines or suspensions or anything, but how would that differ from Daly's suspension of last year?

COMMISSIONER FINCHEM: Historically the PGA TOUR has never, to my knowledge in our history, taken a situation in someone's personal life and dealt with it from a disciplinary matter or considered it conduct unbecoming as it relates to our regulations. Our regulations relate to conduct unbecoming that's either in the public arena or law enforcement arena, and so that's number one.

That certainly isn't relevant in Tiger's case. Nope, no sirree.

Number two, our disciplinary policy is developed and focused in our sport primarily as a tool to use to bring to a player's attention why certain behavior is inappropriate from a public presentation of our sport standpoint. That wouldn't be relevant here, either. It's never been seriously considered that these matters in his personal life are subject to our tournament regulation.

Not seriously considered? But obviously considered on some level.

Q. First question I had, you said you haven't spoken with Tiger. Did you attempt to? Had you reached out to him at all?

COMMISSIONER FINCHEM: No, I've respected his privacy in this matter.

If he's not taking Barkley's call, you know he's not taking Finchem's.

Q. There's been some suggestions that this has kind of been a peek into a seedy side of the PGA TOUR, that there are parties and things going on that people have never been aware of. How do you respond to that?

COMMISSIONER FINCHEM: Yeah, I saw somebody showed me some blog that made references to that. You know, I just laughed. You go out to a PGA TOUR event, and I've been going to them for 23 years, you'll find more group activity in the fitness truck than you will anywhere else.

That was an unfortunate choice of words.

The notion that players are out there partying is absurd. It's just absurd.

The competition at this level -- people ask me over the years, how do you keep drinking and drugs out of the sport. Actually, we don't. The sport keeps drinking and drugs out of our sport. You can't play at this level and have those kinds of issues.

These fellows are athletes. If you look at what a couple of inches on a putt means two or three times a year in terms of how you're going to finish the year and compete, players take it seriously. They're focused on physical fitness. These are family people. They come to us already 95 percent college educated. We just don't have any of those issues.

Now, that's not to say that you don't have an individual here and there, like anything. We reported a violation of our anti-doping policy a few months ago. So it's not a perfect situation. But to suggest there is that kind of activity at PGA TOUR event is a joke.

Easy there Commish...it's not the worst thing in the world that people think PGA Tour golfers are having a little fun now and then. (Note to Ponte Vedra handlers: tell him he's starting to sound old. The party image makes the tour accessible to a younger demo.)

On a less light note, wasn't it nice of the Commissioner to drag Doug Barron into this?

Who has brought more negative publicity in the last month to golf, Barron or Tiger?

Here's the CNBC video: