I'm A Stupid Incompetent Liar Who Deserves To Be Arrested!

It seems Gouge of the tag comedy team didn't take too well to having his truth-stretching pointed out. So he fires back with a rationalization/spin/name calling beauty that truly is the work of a master who enjoys digging a deeper ditch. Keep the entertainment coming Gorge, though I still stay this one will never be topped!

GOUGE: Because Geoff Shackelford deserves to be arrested for incompetence, a clarification: When I mentioned the other day that the Overall Distance Standard had not changed, I was technically incorrect.

You do have to love the irony of being technically incorrect on a issue related to technology. Oh but wait, he really wasn't! In his own mind!

In truth, it has gotten shorter. In 2003, the USGA changed the equipment used for its golf ball test and the ODS. It also changed the swing speed. Those changes (from 109 mph swingspeed to 120 mph and from a wooden driver to a titanium driver with a coefficient of restitution at the USGA limit) did lead to an increase in the yardage allowed by the ODS, from 296.8 to 320. But that yardage is in fact shorter if you realize that the 11 mph increase in swing speed, plus the increase in COR from .77 of a wood driver to .822 in a titanium driver conservatively account for 30 yards of distance, but the ODS has only increased 23.2 yards. No less an authority than  Frank Thomas acknowledges the rule is a form of control.Maybe not the best. But again, look at numbers: Driving distance is down 4.4 yards from where it was a year ago. If that's not a big deal to you, again, I ask you if driving distance were up 4.4 yards, wouldn't there be outrage. Average courses aren't being ripped up because all us double digit handicappers are making them obsolete with our 225-yard tee shots. But go ahead and believe Shackelford. Why research the truth when you can continue to promote a lie. And for those keeping records, my handicap index has improved. But it still allowed me to shoot 103 yesterday.

Hey, where's Bomb to come in with a few of those Catskills-worthy one-liners?

"The Overall Distance Standard is essentially the same"

I hate to even point these posts out by Banana and Gap over at GolfDigest.com, but when you insist on ignoring the costs of a technology race acknowledged by virtually every rational person of significance in the game, you do have to wonder.

The latest blog post is in response to Jack Nicklaus's recent remarks to ESPN.com's Gene Wojciechowski:

GOUGE: Sometimes you have an urge to tell someone to shut the frig up. What would we fix about the equipment, precisely, Jack? Reduce clubhead size? Wouldn't get it done because all my understanding of golf club engineering suggests that a smaller clubhead wouldn't revert to pre-1995 performance levels in terms of on-center hit performance. In other words, they wouldn't make drivers less hot than they currently are with one major exception. They'd be less hot for us choppers who hit it all over the face. Roll the ball back? To what, precisely? The Overall Distance Standard is essentially the same, updated based on clubhead speed and test driver specifications since it was established 30 years ago.

Essentially the same? Uh, 296.8 to 320 yards? Sort of like how Gouge (aka Mike Stachura) sports a handicap on the blog of 13.2 but is actually a 10.6, down from 12.7 a year ago.  I guess all numbers are fudgable!

Are balls better than they were 30 years ago? But it's not because the longest balls are going longer, it's because the longest balls can be used to hit finesse shots around the green. Thirty years ago those long balls couldn't do that. There is no question that a lot of rancor could have been avoided if the USGA had not allowed metal drivers. But there is no evidence to suggest the game has been critically damaged by technology. Are some courses too short for elite competitions? Sure. Big deal.

Remember, this is the same guy who said he wouldn't shed any tears if Winged Foot, Augusta and St. Andrews were left behind so that grown men can continue to shop unfettered by regulation.

Is the gap between pro and amateur too friggin' big, to paraphrase Nicklaus? Is the gap between beer league softball and Major League Baseball too big? Hasn't killed participation. Is the gap between Bobby Flay and me grilling turkey burgers on my Char-Broil in the backyard too big? I still do it, and I'm even inspired by him.

Yeah, but you aren't ripping up your backyard every summer to install a new barbeque to keep up with Bobby Flay either!

Are tour players crazy better and super longer than I'll ever be? Sure. But I can still par a hole that they might someday bogey. That's the game. And I'll tell you this: I'm certainly longer than I was 15 years ago. Which makes me no different than Fred Funk. We're playing the same game. They're just better than I am.

It's all about ME and my right to shop!

Time Inc. Now Hiring: Editor-in-Chief

Thanks to a reader who caught this Time Inc.-placed classified in Sunday's New York Times:

U.S.A. Editor (Editor-in-Chief) (Manhattan) - Develops policy & content for monthly golfing magazine by directing the editorial operations in all key areas, including instruction, travel, news, equipment, & features. Coordinates all editorial depts. in planning substantive content, generating story ideas, editing of copy, & developing graphic design of magazine. Works w/marketing, circulation, & advertising departments to develop brand & enhance profitability. Liaises w/art & photo depts. to ensure that story briefs are followed strictly. Plans layout, & directs Creative Director & Art Directors to ensure adherence to set parameters. Requirements: Bachelor's in English or Journalism, or foreign equivalent, & 5 yrs of post Bachelor's exp. in position offered. Send resumes to: Time Inc. HR Dept, Attn: Editor-in-Chief Role, 1271 Ave. of the Americas, NY, NY 10020.  

Is it me or this a tad strange?

"You are a cute little man, aren't you (laughter)?"

You can't say Phil's press conferences are dull...

 Q. Obviously this is a significant victory for you. Can you talk about how excited you are to be able to take this game and the new swing and all the changes into the majors next month?

PHIL MICKELSON: That's what's most exciting is I feel like we're just getting started. This is only week No. 3. I feel like in three months how much am I going to progress? In three years where am I going to be? I've seen an immediate difference in three weeks, and I can't wait for another three weeks to go by and start getting ready for the U.S. Open. And another three or four weeks to go by and get ready for the British. I'm really excited about the direction I'm headed.

Q. Just to follow it up, how much better can you get?

PHIL MICKELSON: You are a cute little man, aren't you (laughter)? I don't know. That's such a good question from a brilliant individual. I don't know (laughter).

I could swear a I heard an "Alan" thrown in after "aren't you?" 

I can't fathom who he could be talking about!

"It appeared the boys were stinking up the gym. That speaks of one thing..."

I only watched a few minutes of the sixth major (love the blue jacket for the winner...how original!).

However I noticed on the Golfweek.com Tour blog that the real genius of Quail Hollow was picked up by Jeff Rude:

The top two Wachovia Championship finishers both made double bogeys coming in. And high finisher Vijay Singh made two bogeys and a triple coming in. It appeared the boys were stinking up the gym.

That speaks of one thing: Quail Hollow is one of the best courses on the Tour. You might say it deserves the strong field and favorable date it received.

It's one thing for a newcomer to the game evaluating a course based on its difficulty, but after all of the great stuff Dr. Klein has penned in Golfweek about what actually merits architectural legitimacy, you'd like to think we could something a tad more nuanced than the course's ability to churn out doubles and triples. Right?

 

"It is a very right-brain course."

The Chicago Tribune's Ed Sherman looks at Erin Hills, and features this Ron Whitten rebuttal to Brad Klein's criticism of the course.

While most of the reviews have celebrated the quirks, one harsh critique stood out. Under the headline "Errant Hills Award," Bradley Klein of Golfweek called the routing a mess and accused the designers, particularly Whitten, of taking "trendy minimalism to its absurd extreme." Klein concluded, "They should have thought 'inside the bun' on this one."

Whitten, who said he is friends with Klein, suspected he was getting payback for a Connecticut course he criticized in which Klein had a hand designing.

"It's just one opinion," Whitten said. "I always said the course isn't for everybody. It is a very right-brain course. If you don't like blind shots and quirky bounces, it isn't the course for you."

 

New Look Golfweek.com

logo.gifI haven't spent much time with it yet, but the new look Golfweek.com looks to be a huge upgrade with plenty of fresh content.

I like the new Politico style columnist sketches, though something about them feels like they were done by a police-artist. Maybe it's the people in the sketches and not the artist's fault!

The Tour blog still lacks a comments options or linkable posts, so it's still not really a blog. But at least they are updating it with content, including some interesting posts about the tension heading into Tuesday's player meeting in Charlotte.

Who Goofed I've Got To Know, Vol. 375

I didn't want to distract from Selena Roberts's piece on Tiger and the Tour by pointing out this NYTimes.com snafu which was not repeated in the print edition, mercifully for Tim Finchem's dermatologist and his hair stylist Marcel, who in between coloring some of Jacksonville's richest trophy wives...oh anyway, the caption and photo:

When Tiger Woods talks, PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem is likely to listen closely. The Tour often adjusts its schedule to accommodate Woods

29roberts.1.600.jpg

"From the moment Woods stepped onto the first tee..."

Mike Dudurich filed this Pittsburgh Tribune Review story on Tiger's day at Oakmont:
From the moment Woods stepped onto the first tee and pulled the Sasquatch Sumo Squared driver from his bag and launched his Nike One ball approximately 330 yards to the middle of the fairway...
Now I know it's not for me to offer writing suggestions, but I really think the future of journalism will be more informative for us consumers.  Dudurich could have filed something like this:
From the moment Woods woke up in his NikeFitTherma jammies, slipped on his Seamless S/S Colorplay Mock, adorned his SP-8 TW Tour shoes in the hot new black and Del Monte white (available May 3rd), slipped on his Custom Crested Tech Xtreme Glove, Nike's brand focus stepped onto the first tee and pulled the Sasquatch Sumo Squared driver from his bag and launched his Nike One ball approximately 330 yards to the middle of the fairway...

Doctored Image?

100greatest_pinevalley.jpgSomeone at the GolfDigest editors blog answers a reader question about the possibility of a doctored photo.

Well, the question is never actually answered except that yes, it seems they ran a doctored image of Pine Valley that came from the club. It's not exactly going to rank up there with questions about say, the Lee Harvey Oswald rifle photo (oh boy, probably a bad example), but it's nonetheless an interesting issue in media circles and admirable that Golf Digest confronted it head on.

Separation of Church and Links?

Several writers have written about or noted Zach Johnson's faith in trying to find something interesting to say about the Masters Champion. Craig Dolch did it here and of course Dan Jenkins of all people celebrated it in his Golf Digest letter from Augusta.

Well Tom Witosky in the Des Moines Register files a thoughtful piece that starts out sounding like an extended version of the Zach-loves-Jesus theme, but then takes an intriguing turn by pointing out that there is only so much preaching some can take before it could backfire.

Johnson's mention of his Christian faith after winning the Masters on Easter Sunday has stirred discomfort among some believing the separation between church and sport should be as strong as between church and state.

"Religion and sport today has become a mutual exploitation society," said Ray Higgs, professor emeritus of English at East Tennessee State University.

At the same time, Johnson's profession sparked the imagination of those who believe sport and religion can be a positive, powerful combination.

And those who know Johnson, 31, say his faith is as much a part of him as is the ability to hit a five-iron within 10 feet of the cup.

"There is no pretense, no hidden agenda, no proselytizing" with Johnson, said Kay Bloom, his former theology teacher at Cedar Rapids Regis High School. "Ultimately, he is owning his faith and he simply shared it with everyone."

And...

"It is really a fine line and you have to be careful from a marketing point of view," said Rick Horrow, a nationally known expert on sports marketing and professional athletics.

"Zach Johnson genuinely has to be himself, and that includes his strong faith," Horrow said. "But he has to watch out that people don't think he is preaching to them."

Chapman Clark, a professor at the Fuller Theological Seminary in California, said Johnson and those surrounding him will have to adjust to that reality quickly.

"My suggestion is that he get himself some sharp people to help him develop his message so that it doesn't come across as exploitative," Clark said.

Paging the LPGA's brand coach!

Higgs, the East Tennessee State professor emeritus, has written several books and articles on religion and sport, including "God in the Stadium: Sports and Religion in America."

He believes the potential tension involved in tying religion to sport has grown as American culture fixated on sports success - as opposed to sports excellence. The emphasis on winning, he said, has turned people away from the value of athletics to focus on victory and money.

"The truth of the matter is there is no correlation between victory and virtue," Higgs said.

"Maybe the Masters bets next year should be in Oreos, not cash."

The ultimate sign of a newspaper's pomposity comes in the form of these pious ombudsman columns where some very special and unbiased staff member opines on questionable moral or potential ethical issues related to a newspaper's favorite topic: itself!

Thanks to reader Noonan, we get to read the Washington Post's Deborah Howell analyzing whether Augusta housemates Len Shapiro, Thomas Boswell and John Feinstein should be in a Masters pool while writing about the event.

Yes, definitely a slow week for ethical lapses at the Post. Don't worry Deborah, Bob Woodward's writing another book!

Reader Bill Sullivan of the District raised the question after a blogger, Sean Jensen of AOL Sports, said he participated in a "high price" pool while covering the Masters golf tournament in Augusta, Ga., with renowned Post columnist Tom Boswell; Leonard Shapiro, a former Post staffer who covers golf on contract; and John Feinstein, a best-selling author and Post freelancer.

Sullivan called the pool "disturbing" and said it "would appear to be a deeply serious breach of journalism ethics," especially because "Boswell and Shapiro had criticized athletes for gambling because it has a corrupting influence on the sport.

"Do Post editors condone this sort of conduct -- particularly since the bets were placed on an event the reporters were covering for the paper? How much was wagered and how long has it been going on? How do the reporters justify their moral criticisms of others when they themselves engage in the same illegal behavior?"

The pool is a tradition going back about 25 years in a house rented by Boswell, Shapiro and other sportswriters who cover the Masters, Boswell said. Feinstein joined about 15 years ago. Jensen was the new guy in the house.

How'd he get roped into that house rental? Poor bastard...

The stakes were $50 apiece for five people. Boswell said there are "a bunch of silly categories and no one wins much." Shapiro was the big winner, with a total of $103 in three categories. Boswell won $16.67. Feinstein won nothing. "Except for a few horse races or a [personal] golf game, I've never bet on anything else in my life," Boswell said. Shapiro said the same.

Hey don't forget last year's over/under on how long it would take Christine Brennan to ask Hootie a Martha question?

Shapiro's and Boswell's articles have criticized high-stakes gambling as it affected players and managers who presumably could affect the outcome of games.

Boswell said the house is not a high-stakes party pad but the "milk and Oreos" house, where a six-pack of beer bought at the tournament's start still had three left at the end. "We come back after the day and watch highlights and tease each other about" their pool picks.

And then they argue about the drapes, who gets the shower first, all before a big pillow fight breaks out.

Feinstein, in an e-mail, wrote, "NO, I've never bet on anything during my years at The Post.

Key phrase: during my years at The Post.

In fact, this year I didn't even participate in the pool because I was too tired to stay up. I put up the 50 bucks as a courtesy to the other guys and they picked my team for me. I was the only one in the house to not win a dollar for the week. . . . This is done in houses all around Augusta for fun and laughs -- and is a way of giving everyone something to talk about during the week. As in, 'who had the low round today?' That's about as serious as it gets."

Emilio Garcia-Ruiz, assistant managing editor for sports, said, "I'm confident that the small-scale pool in no way affected the coverage of the event and was a 25-year tradition that was started only to bolster camaraderie for those living together while covering the event.

Bolster camaraderie? Translation: it's the only way they can tolerate living with each other.

That said, we've stressed to our folks that prizes for these sorts of pools, including the NCAA tournament, should not involve cash, no matter how small the amount." The Post has no written rule on betting.

George Solomon, a former Post sports editor and ESPN ombudsman who is now a University of Maryland journalism professor, sees no problem with "a recreational pool"; he was in the Masters pool when entering cost $10, and he went for Ben Hogan and Sam Snead. Betting "a lot of money on a team or individual is always wrong," he said.

Glad we cleared this weighty matter up. Oh wait, there's more...

Malcolm Moran, who holds the Knight Chair in Sports Journalism and Society at Pennsylvania State University, said, "I wouldn't call [the Masters pool] serious. For myself, I don't get involved in pools."

Well maybe you should talk to someone about this Malcolm. Chlorine is very effective. Oh sorry...

Moran, a former sports journalist at the New York Times, Newsday and USA Today, believes there ought to be rules as there are at the Times, which states in its ethics policy: "To avoid an appearance of bias, no member of the sports department may gamble on any sports event, except for occasional recreational wagering on horse racing (or dog racing or jai alai).

Would you include cockfighting in that too?

This exception does not apply to staff members who cover such racing or regularly edit that coverage." The Times' prohibition does not apply to pools, said Craig Whitney, standards editor.

Longtime Post horseracing writer Andrew Beyer, now a freelancer, does gamble and writes about it, as do many racing writers. Moran said, "Just because it's in the culture doesn't mean it's the right thing to do." Beyer once won $200,000 and wrote about it. Now that gives me serious pause. Beyer did not respond to a phone message.

Can't imagine why.

Many newsrooms -- like many offices -- have sports pools; I never stopped them when I was an editor. The Post's internal NCAA pool was changed this year to make the top prize an iPod instead of cash. Just as well; a company lawyer won it.

TMI!

The Masters pool is not a grave ethical matter, but The Post should have written rules to guide sports journalists on betting. This answer didn't please Sullivan, who wrote, "Reporters go after others with zeal while believing that the rules don't apply to them and that they are above reproach. Accountability for thee but not for me."

Maybe the Masters bets next year should be in Oreos, not cash.

Oh the standards of these journalists! Heart-warming I tell you that we live in a country where such important matters are deliberated.