"If it were celebrity, then that would be fine, but it's not celebrity when all you do is get mocked about it. That's not celebrity."

Jeff Duncan profiles Woody Austin in the New Orleans Times-Picayune, offering this disturbing anecdote:

He became a gallery favorite, where fans kidded him -- "Don't hit it in the water, Woody!" -- and punctuated his shots with cries of "Aquaman," the nickname bestowed upon him by Presidents Cup teammate Phil Mickelson.

Even his playing partners at pro-am events got into the act, showing up at the tee box on three different occasions in swim goggles.

And they wonder why guys don't want to play pro-ams.

At least Woody's honest about it:

"What can you do?" he said Wednesday after his pro-am round at the Zurich Classic of New Orleans at TPC Louisiana. "If it were celebrity, then that would be fine, but it's not celebrity when all you do is get mocked about it. That's not celebrity. All I do is get mocked and ridiculed and chided. There's nothing great about it."

Newton: "You keep hearing comments about how they don't think there's any shame in coming second to Tiger. You would never have heard that from a Raymond Floyd."

Thanks to reader Mark for this Will Swanton piece from The Age quoting Jack Newton:

"Nicklaus, Palmer, Player, Raymond Floyd, Lee Trevino, who I still think is the best player I ever played with, were tough and uncompromising men who would have stood up and fought him," Newton said.

"They were great players in their own right, but hard as nails to go with it. They would have eaten their own grandmothers on the course if they had to. I'm not sure you could say that about any of the guys out there trying to beat Tiger now.

"I'm not exactly saying they're soft. Tiger could well be the greatest player of all time. But I don't see many of them aiming up or getting in his face. I get the feeling they're just playing for the money. They make their millions every year and that's enough for them.

"You keep hearing comments about how they don't think there's any shame in coming second to Tiger. You would never have heard that from a Raymond Floyd."

Good Week: Atwal Wins In Malaysia And Is Cleared Of Charges

He's got status on the European Tour and the state of Florida seems to have finally made up its mind about his case. The bad news: back to the Nationwide Tour.

Tripp Isenhour Cements Lead In Lowlife Of The Year Award Race

Thanks to reader Tony for a fine reason, courtesy of Sarah Lundy in the Orlando Sentinel, to hope Tripp Isenhour never breaks 75 ever again.

And people wonder why golf has a lousy reputation with environmentalists.

Update on 2008-03-07 06:58 by Geoff

Quick spin by his agent after apparently not returning the AP's initial call: 

PROFESSIONAL GOLFER TRIPP ISENHOUR ISSUES APOLOGY
 
(RESTON, Virginia) - Professional golfer Tripp Isenhour has issued a sincere apology for a December 2007 incident in Orlando during which he hit a golf ball into a tree accidentally killing a red-shouldered hawk during the taping of a golf instructional video.
 
"As soon as this happened, I was mortified and extremely upset and continue to be upset. I want to let everyone know there was neither any malice nor deliberate intent whatsoever to hit or harm the hawk. I was trying to simply scare it into flying away. As evidenced by our family having adopted three cats from a local shelter, I am an animal lover. We ask that everyone accept my sincerest apology, and please be respectful of my family's privacy," says Isenhour.

Atwal Cleared...Wait, No He's Not...

A wire report last week announced that Arjun Atwal had been cleared in the street racing manslaughter case and included this quote from him:

"The (investigation) report went to the state attorney's office two weeks ago and last week I got a call from my lawyer saying they have thrown all the charges out. So, I am clear," Atwal, who is in Gurgaon for the Johnnie walker Classic told reporters on Thursday.

Steve Elling placed a call and it sounds like Atwal either needs to get a new attorney, or he had a really bad cell reception over in India:

Danielle Tavernier, a spokesperson for the State Attorney's office, said the overseas reports were inaccurate. "It's an open, active case," she said.

Poulter Does Not Deny Posing Nude; Thematic Differences Explain The Rest

Anything to liven up what will be another Tiger rout...Poulter clarifies his Golf World remarks:

"I was misquoted," Poulter told reporters after opening his Dubai Desert Classic campaign with a two-under-par 70. "It was taken out of context."

Poulter, ranked 22nd in the world and with seven European Tour wins to his name, said the level of media reaction to the article had weighed heavily on his shoulders.

"I have had it on my mind since last night," he said. "You put the Internet on and it's THE (golf) story.

"The story is also I couldn't get my word (of reply) in before everyone else. I have to try and explain the situation of how it was actually said, as opposed to how it has been written.

"Two very different themes."

Non-denial denial duly noted. This is funny: 

"You let people in your house for three hours and you do a nice, private interview and this is what happens. Very unfortunate."

A private interview? Is that an oxymoron?

And since when do you pose nude for a private interview? 

Poulter Says He's Spent Too Much Time Worrying About His Outfits To Rival Tiger

Therefore Ian undressed (and you thought his attire could not get any worse) for the March edition of Golf World (UK) and look what came out of his mouth:

"The trouble is I don't rate anyone else," said the extrovert Englishman. "Don't get me wrong, I respect everyone who is a professional.

"But the problem is I haven't played to my full potential yet. And when that happens it will just be me and Tiger."

Well, at least he's honest about the competition.

The 32-year-old Poulter, when asked for his predictions on who would win the Masters in April, replied: "Put Tiger down for that one".

For the year's second major at the US Open, he said: "You can put me down for that one".

Scramble me a jet to Vegas now.

Poulter, pictured nude in the magazine with only a golf bag guarding his modesty, admitted he was nowhere near challenging Woods yet.

"Tiger is one in a million," he said. "Actually Tiger is one in 10 million."

That's better.

Thanks to reader Nick for this treat.

"No, sir. Rice."

Boo Weekley and Heath Slocum fired 61 to open the World Cup in China which gave them the lead, but more importantly, meant a press room visit for Boo.

Anyone know what this means?

BOO WEEKLEY: We played pretty solid today. We just brother in lawed it very well, kept it in play and kept us it front of us.

Love this exchange:

Q. What did you know about China before you came here?

BOO WEEKLEY: Not much.

Q. Anything?

BOO WEEKLEY: No, sir. Rice.

Q. The Wall?

BOO WEEKLEY: Sir?

Q. The Wall.

BOO WEEKLEY: Oh, yeah, I know The Great Wall of China, but I thought it was closer to where we're at, and I found out it was a lot further away. But yeah, I knew the Wall was here.

Shockingly, Boo is not out and about much...

Q. And what have been your impressions of China so far?

BOO WEEKLEY: We ain't been ever doing nothing. We go straight to the motel and straight here, but I know the people here are friendly. It's very nice, they always say hey and they are polite and stuff, and that's always a plus when you show up somewhere, especially in a foreign country and they are polite and nice. That's a plus for me.

For more Boo, check out his My Shot in the latest Golf Digest. 

Rory's Mom: It's The Irish Blood That Makes Him Do It

Jaime Diaz profiles Rory Sabbatini in the November Golf Digest and gets to the bottom of the South African's easy going manner:

"You pass the genes on," says his mother, Sharon, by phone from South Africa. "I've got Irish blood in me, and I've got a very, very short fuse. And I also speak my mind, and it gets me into trouble as well. You get to a boiling point, and you explode, and obviously you regret it afterward. But most people appreciate me for being straightforward. I'm not one of these mundane, boring people, and neither is my son. I've always let him be himself."

Going To Stack and Tilt

Robert Grant looks at the origin of Aaron Baddelay's decision to shift to a Stack and Tilt swing.

Reason No.37 That Your Personal Trainer Should Always Be Close By...

...or your Pilates instructor, or your HeartMath guide or your...no, the agent wouldn't pick up the bag.

Bob Harig explains how having his trainer watching came in handy for Robert Allenby after his caddy quit mid-round.

"I'd pay $15 to play El Dump-o-rama down the street with the bowl-shaped greens and the bunkers that haven't been raked in four years. Absolutely. That's fun. That's fun golf."

A fun item from Doug Ferguson's Deutsche Bank second round notes column: 

Rich Beem lives the good life on the PGA Tour, playing the best courses with the best players, taking part in pro-ams with the rich and famous. But he still enjoys going back to his roots - a municipal golf course, a few beers, lots of laughs.

Beem was having lunch with his caddie, Billy Heim, on Monday in Rhode Island when he mentioned he was going to play golf and the waitress recommended a course in Providence called Triggs, an old Donald Ross design.

"I played with two police officers from Rhode Island," Beem said. "They had their day off. They finished playing golf, but I don't know how. They were really enjoying their day off."

This wasn't the first time Beem has gone from TPCs to municipal tracks. He was asked if he would pay $400 to play Pebble Beach.

"Oh, God, no," Beem said. "But I'd pay $15 to play El Dump-o-rama down the street with the bowl-shaped greens and the bunkers that haven't been raked in four years. Absolutely. That's fun. That's fun golf. We play these beautiful courses all the time, but what's wrong with going out and playing fun golf now and then, shooting whatever, play in your bare feet."

Heim is more than just a caddie. He lost in the final match of the 1987 U.S. Junior Amateur to Brett Quigley, who happened to play with Beem the first two rounds of the Deutsche Bank Championship.

How does a former PGA champion wind up on a municipal golf course?

"I'm just another guy who took a day off of a work and went to go play golf," he said. "Is that so bad?"

Shipnuck on Cabrera

I finally got around to Alan Shipnuck's SI piece on Angel Cabrera, which unfortunately was relegated to the Golf Plus Fed Ex Cup stand alone issue. Unfortunate because it's an oustanding and revealing read that should have made the main issue. Well, those NFL training camp spreads are pretty special.

Anyway, don't miss this. And because I'm kind, the link is to the single page version to save you the trouble of the nine-page version.

Wow, you’re a lot shorter than you look on TV."

AP's Scott Sonner scribbled this down from 5'1" Tadd Fujikawa, who is making his pro debut at the Reno-Tahoe Open:

“Maybe I will grow. If I stay short, that’s OK,” he said. “A lot of people say, ‘Wow, you’re a lot shorter than you look on TV. That’s the main thing, as long as I look taller on TV.”

"Sergio Garcia has...cultivated the most laughable persecution complex this side of fellow divas Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan."

While reading Geoff Russell's Golf World Front Nine this evening, he reminded me of Sergio's cup-spitting incident and suddenly my sympathies subsided. I didn't even feel bad for him after this thrashing from Steve Elling at Sportsline:

For years, Sergio Garcia has manufactured thin excuses, pointed fingers elsewhere and cultivated the most laughable persecution complex this side of fellow divas Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan. Mostly, the sporting public has cut him some slack, because he was young and frustrated and playing in the shadow of Tiger Woods.

And... 

After last weekend's dive into the wallowing waters of self-pity, Garcia has faced excoriation on a global scale like no other top pro since Greg Norman. But of course, the Shark was consistently gracious in defeat, the consummate sportsman. Norman, as a rule, fell on his sword after his major-championship disasters, and many fans felt compassion, not scorn.

But Garcia, the preening and coddled superstar, deflects his shortcomings elsewhere. It recalls the scene in a locker room at another major championship a few years back, when Garcia was spotted repeatedly adjusting the rake of his cap before he left to play that day. Maybe if he had instead spent time looking at the man in the mirror, instead of the lid on his head, he'd find the source of his problems. Style trumps substance again.

Incomprehensively, at age 27, he lacks the maturity to realize that bad breaks, real or perceived, are why golf is the most brutal mental sport of all. Moreover, being accountable means more than just adding up a score at the end of the round.

Yet for the most notorious flirt on the PGA Tour, Lady Luck remains the lone woman in golf to escape his embrace, and it's driving him psycho.