"Montgomerie has vowed to ban them if he becomes captain, although he said that when he was single."

One of the great traditions of modern Ryder Cup coverage: making fun of the wives and questioning their role.

Paul Forsyth is the first to weigh in this year:

The wives, of course, are the Ryder Cup’s biggest sideshow. Whether they are to be known as Wags or Wabs (wives and birdies), they will be lined up in front of the cameras for the opening ceremony. Faldo is reported to have asked Valerie Bercher, from whom he was divorced two years ago, to assume the role of lady captain, which is another way of saying she has helped with the wardrobes. “She’s a pretty cool, chic lady and knows how to dress them well,” he said, although Irish designer Paul Costelloe, who kitted them out at the K Club in 2006, was expected to be the guiding hand.

Quite what the wives add to the occasion is unclear. Montgomerie has vowed to ban them if he becomes captain, although he said that when he was single. Westwood insists they have a calming effect. “They are important, especially when you go to an away match. It’s always nice to see a familiar, friendly face inside the ropes. If things are going well, it’s great. If things are going badly, it gives you a lift. That’s the nice thing. You have worked so hard all year to make the team, and you can share it with your wife.”

"As the country's golf boss, he was regularly photographed with such homegrown greats of the game as Bob Charles."

And here I was just about to add links to some of my best acting work only to find out from reader Warren via this Jonahan Marshall and Jim Mahoney story that they fire people for that kind of acting.

The recently appointed head of the New Zealand Hotel Council has resigned after his board discovered he starred in a porn movie and was pictured having sex in a six-page spread inside an X-rated Kiwi magazine.

Garth Stirrat, 40, last night quit the council as it also emerged he had featured in the porn shoots using the alias Steve Parnell when he was employed as chief executive of the New Zealand Professional Golf Association.

As the country's golf boss, he was regularly photographed with such homegrown greats of the game as Bob Charles.

I'm reallly glad the writer prefaced that sentence by noting that "as the country's golf boss."

But the more graphic images of Stirrat in R18 magazines NZX and Brass left NZHC bosses at a loss for words.

"I don't know what to say," said Southern North Island area manager Zayne Boone, who appointed Stirrat.

"Obviously we need to make sure that the way in which we conduct our business is in keeping with what we would expect our members to expect."

Boone said the spread, which featured Stirrat having sex in a number of positions, was "disappointing".

He found the positions disappointing or the sheer number of them?

The NZHC confirmed on Friday it was investigating Stirrat's secret life as a porn star but yesterday issued a statement saying he had moved on after just one week on the job.

"I've spoken to Garth and he told me that he was involved in some filming over six years ago, while he was single, living in Auckland," chairwoman Jenny Langley said in the statement.

It's Auckland's fault!

Hopkins Defends Faldo In Totally Nonsensical Manner

How else to explain The Times' John Hopkins giving Captain Faldo a standing-O for sharing a private comment from Paul Azinger about his two geezer assistants. And why, but to deflect attention from Faldo's much criticized decision to go with one assistant? Yep, that's something to praise. If you can make sense of the reasoning, please explain in the comments link below!

Interesting, this, isn't it? A bit of subtlety from Faldo, who is not known for it. He has stuck a knife between Azinger's ribs so quietly that Azinger probably hasn't even noticed it. And he has given it a quick twist by quoting Jack Nicklaus, who believes that Stockton and Floyd have too much baggage with them. "He (Azinger] is not sure about that one," Faldo said. "Too many cooks."

It doesn't really matter whether Faldo is right in what he says. Azinger has been put firmly on the back foot. Ignore what Faldo said and Faldo's comments will assume a certain veracity. By answering them, Azinger would give them a patina of truth.

It is hard to conclude anything other than this: well done Faldo.

Wow, that's just a disturbing piece of journalism. It's one thing to savor the drama, gamesmanship and spirited antics, but quite another to encourage childish behavior.

Perhaps Hopkins should read Daniel Wexler's almost Rodney King-like plea for everyone to just get along.

"Where's the rest of the team?"

Hard to imagine there was much to say about the Euros boarding a chartered jet to Louisville, but Giles Smith managed to file and entertaining look at the festivities and questions about the rather light load Captain Faldo had with him.

Sky Sports News had Peter Staunton on the ground at Heathrow and when Ian Payne, in the studio, with a slight yelp in his voice, asked, 'Where's the rest of the team?', Staunton was able to point out that some of the players were based in the United States and would be joining up later. It wouldn't have been worth a golfer's while, Staunton said, to fly over to London in order to fly straight back out again.

"We're not putting hair spray on."

Jenni Rees profiles Valhalla superintendent Mark Wilson who I've had the pleasure of dealing with a few times (most recently for this Golf World story). He's not only one of the very best in the profession, he's a damn good quote too. Far better than probably anyone you'll hear from this week.

On Valhalla:

"She's a little rough, because we have so many wide-open areas, native areas," Wilson said last week on a tour of the course. "She's not one you'd put a lot of makeup on, not real frizzle. It's a golf club, not a swimming pool, not a tennis court. I try to do some aesthetics. But we really try not to have flowers out here (on the actual course). We're not putting hair spray on."

“I’m sure we could probably sell as many as we brought in, but we’re not really looking to capitalize on it at this point"

Jon Show reports that those ugly shirts the Americans will inevitably wear for Sunday's singles matches will be sold in limited quantities at the merchandise pavilion. I pity the poor folks who have to witness doughy, cigar-smoking men change into their ($94!) purchase so they too can walk around Valhalla while experiencing what it's like to wear a Nike Dri-Fit while getting smacked around by Europeans.

But at least the PGA of America is humble about it...

Officials would not disclose how many are in stock but said quantities are extremely limited.

“I’m sure we could probably sell as many as we brought in, but we’re not really looking to capitalize on it at this point,” said Kevin Carter, senior director of business development for the PGA of America.

The PGA of America declined to speculate on how much revenue the apparel could bring in, but it should be less than six figures based on sales of uniforms at the Presidents Cup, a similar team golf competition.

By any definition of capitalize, that quote makes no sense.

Karlsson Says Monty Will Be Missed; Secures 2014 Assistant Captain Gig

Robert Karlsson had to go and win Sunday, as if Europe wasn't playing well enough. Before he did that, Karlsson told John Huggan that Darren Clarke and Colin Montgomerie will be missed this week:

"As a newcomer, Colin and Darren were fantastic towards me," says the 6ft 5in Swede, who qualified for this year's side on the back of an enormously consistent season highlighted by top-20 finishes in all four major championships. "Monty sat down with me on the Thursday evening and talked about his experiences. So did Darren. They prepared me for the first few holes on the first day.

"Monty told me I would feel nervousness like I had never felt before. And he was right. The Ryder Cup is great, but it is hard to enjoy the playing part of it. There is so much pressure, especially on the first tee. Everything is just so big and it is so different playing for more than just oneself. I sat and listened rather than asked questions. They made me feel like I belonged. And they helped me enjoy the experience."

Faldo: Zinger Regrets His Assistant Captain Selections

Under fire for only having one assistant captain, Nick Faldo is deflecting some of the negative attention by suggesting that Paul Azinger has suggested that he regrets about naming Ray Floyd and Dave Stockton as his assistants. This is going to be an entertaining week!  Tom English reports:

Faldo reveals that Azinger has become uncertain about his key lieutenants. Drawing conclusions from private chats they've had of late, Faldo says that if Azinger had his way again he wouldn't pick the two veterans, both of them controversial Ryder Cup captains of the past.

"I think he (Azinger] already regrets – not sure if regret is the right word – but if he did it again, I don't think those guys have brought to his team what he wanted. He's a bit like me, he feels that you've got to make the decisions yourself. Maybe those captains are from an old era and this is a new era in the Ryder Cup. He thinks he has (gone for the wrong guys]."

Jack Offers Irrefutable Proof That He Never Watches Golf: Predicts American Victory

Jack Nicklaus, in a guest column for The Times:

If you ask me why I think America will win, it’s because I believe they have the better players, despite the evidence of the most recent Ryder Cups.

"The Highlands Links is attached emotionally and historically to the small community of Ingonish, much as the Old Course is linked to St. Andrews, Scotland."

Lorne Rubenstein reports the exciting news that Ian Andrew has been commissioned to prepare a plan for the "rambunctious" Cape Breton Highlands. Now it seems that Parks Canada just needs a little nudging to let Andrew properly restore this masterpiece.

Thompson, who died in 1953, when he was 59, elevated the game beyond recreation at the Highlands. Because he was an artist and had a powerful canvas at his feet and all around — ocean, forest, and mountains — he made an important contribution to Canadian culture. As historian and local authority Ken Donovan said, "This is the story of small village life in a Canadian context."

The Highlands Links is attached emotionally and historically to the small community of Ingonish, much as the Old Course is linked to St. Andrews, Scotland. It's far more than a golf landscape. It's a cultural landscape, one reason the Historic Sites and Monuments Board of Canada designated Thompson a person of national historic significance three years ago. A plaque to this effect was supposed to be unveiled here on Thursday, but the ceremony was cancelled when the federal election was called.

"How much will the rule alter performance?"

Before the Ryder Cup news takes over, let's not forget the grooves. In last week's Golf World, Mike Stachura raised some interesting questions about the validity of the rule change for 2010.

Second, if several popular irons already in use on the PGA Tour are said by their manufacturers to have groove patterns that already conform to the new rule (Titleist, Cobra, Adams and Ping have irons that may meet the new requirements), how much will the rule alter performance? And if the answer turns out to be not all that much, what is the USGA's next move?

It starts with a b and ends with an l and would have been much easier to change.

I do believe that Adam Scott has been playing conforming grooves all year, and suspect many others have. If so, Stachura's point would seem to kill the case that a groove chance would reduce the amount of flogged drives.

Then there is manufacturer research that says the shot that might be affected most is the pinched wedge from the fairway. Does it not seem odd that a rule meant to restore the value for hitting the ball in the fairway might result in less effective shots from the short grass? 

Oh great, another reason to narrow fairways. Just what the game needs.