"No more Smails/Beeper moments. Please."

Thanks to reader Chris for catching Bill Simmons paying tribute to Bill Maher and issues a beautiful "New Rule" related to last week's Ryder Cup:

"New Rule: U.S. Ryder Cup competitors can give each other only fist bumps. Like so many others, I looked forward to the recent Ryder Cup. Anytime America has the chance to beat Europe in something, I'm in … even if it's a leather-jacket-wearing Rob Lowe's outrowing of snotty English dudes in Oxford Blues. But after two days of watching awkward high-fives, dorky fist pumps and, worst of all, the dreaded two-handed high-five—"perfected" by Jim Furyk and Kenny Perry, who obviously spent months studying tapes of Judge Smails and Dr. Beeper—every big putt had me sweating simply because I was petrified of the ensuing celebration. "No, no, don't go for the two-handed high-five … Nooooo!"

So let's switch to fist bumps. If anyone wants to pull off a three-step handshake/ hug thing after the 18th hole, fine. But only after we name Will.i.am and 50 Cent as assistant captains to teach them. No more Smails/Beeper moments. Please."

Hoppy's Hero: Me, Myself and I!

I always go to John Hopkins' Spike Bar column for my weekly golf instruction, so I was disappointed that this edition left out the vital information I need to get through the weekend.

Instead, my heart was warmed by his "Hero of the week."

Hero of the week: Me. Well, why not? I watch golf, cover it, read about it, write about it, listen to it, listen to others talking about it, watch it on television, cock an ear to it on the radio. What I do not do is play it. Not often at least and not as often as you do, I am willing to bet. Now that the Ryder Cup is over, I am going to go and play at my club, Royal Porthcawl. Fore!

Take that Bernie Darwin!

Phil To Join Euro Tour? Allenby Fleeing To Get Away From PGA Tour Rough

Lewine Mair (here) and Lawrence Donegan (here) play up the likelihood of Phil Mickelson becoming a European Tour member, and the chances of many more players playing less in the U.S.

The best part came from this Robert Allenby comment in both pieces, but elaborated on more in Donegan's piece:

But among those who have said they will play more on the European tour next year is Vijay Singh, and the Australian golfer Robert Allenby, ranked 33rd in the world, said yesterday that he was increasingly disillusioned with life on the PGA tour in the States.

"You'd be stupid not to join [the European tour]," he said. "Some tournaments over here get a bit monotonous, with the thick rough. I miss the fairway by two feet and I'm screwed. My body hasn't been handling it very well, particularly my tennis elbow. The other thing is to freshen my mind up."

And...

Allenby may be motivated in part by personal issues but he, like others, is responding to what is widely perceived to be a shift in the balance of power in golf from the PGA tour in the States towards the European tour.

And...

With the credit crunch affecting many American financial institutions the long-term prospects for sponsorship of golf in the US are gloomy, in stark contrast to the opportunities enjoyed by the European tour. The latter has a long tradition of staging events in the Middle East and Asia, where next year will see the start of the European tour's "Road to Dubai" series which culminates in an end-of-season tournament in the Emirates where the players will be competing for a $20m prize fund - the biggest in the history of the game.

Well there's one easy way for Tim Finchem to stop the bleeding pretty quickly here. Cut some rough!

"I always like, when we talk about changing things, drawing an analogy to Donald Ross and building Pinehurst No. 2."

You know I always sensed Tim Finchem didn't have much of a feel for golf architecture, but when I finally got through his rambling press session from earlier this week, I have a new appreciation for his bizarre take on things.

On the state of the FedEx Cup:

I think it's important to recognize that we view the FedExCup competition as a big part of our future. We are committed to it; it's a long-term proposition. We're not going to get hung up at the start if we have to make a few changes the first few years. Who knows how many years we'll have to make changes until we're at a point where we're very, very comfortable.

I always like, when we talk about changing things, drawing an analogy to Donald Ross and building Pinehurst No. 2. He moved there, and I think he made 213 or 220 changes in the first 12 years of its existence. Sometimes to get perfection you have to keep working at it, and we intend to do that.

I've never known that someone was keeping track of Ross's changes! Maybe the contractor tracking change orders? Or perhaps someone knew it'd make for a killer FedEx Cup metaphor some day?

Before I throw it open to questions, let me briefly comment on five other items.

Okay...

First of all, I've been getting a lot of questions over the past months, and certainly in the last few weeks, on the economy. We are impacted by the economy and the economic challenges like everybody else. We have a lot of customers and sponsors in economic sectors that are impacted negatively by the volatility in the economy.

Thus far, we have not suffered any major damage. But clearly, if the instability were to continue for a sustained period of time, we will have real challenges. We are encouraged by the steps that are being taken, and we'll do everything we can to continue to drive value and communicate that invest in our sport with the hopes that we can get through this with very little damage.

The PGA Tour supports the bailout! If Congress only knew...

After a bunch of stuff on drug testing, this made no sense and I presume it's a transcription error.

Television ratings are awfully good this year.

Awfully, yes.

We attribute that largely to two things: missing our No. 1 player for two big chunks of the season, number one problem; number two problem, the Olympics during three weeks got higher ratings than normal. Tough competition and took away from our ratings a little bit.

Darn Olympics...yet another reason that...oh wait...

Next year our assumptions are based on, A, all of our players are going to be back, including our No. 1 player; and number two, we get to wait three more years for the Olympics.

You're getting your number one player for 15 events, maybe.

The other long-term issue on the Olympics is that of course if we are successful in having golf added as an Olympic sport or schedule tournaments around the Olympics, including some golf competition in the Olympics, which will change that dynamic somewhat.

See, if you add golf to the Olympics it can't hurt the ratings starting in 2016.

Seems the questioners are playing to the cameras. Or the transcripts?

Q. I don't know about everybody else, but I followed this as closely as anybody, and I couldn't follow the points system this year. I'm not sure Henry Paulson could have. I'm just curious if that's something that has been up for discussion, and is it going to be simpler or are we still going to be looking at Camilo Villegas trying to make a six-footer to try to get somebody else in the field?

COMMISSIONER FINCHEM: Well, I have a great answer for you. We have a book coming out, and it's called, FedExCup Points For Dummies (laughter).

Banging fist on desk here.

But the reality is the model we looked at -- seriously, the model we looked at was NASCAR. You know, some people say, You know, you can make it simpler by going back to the Money List.

Well, the Money List isn't any more simple than points, because you still have to analyze why one tournament generates this many points versus another tournament. The difference between money is you have a lot more fluctuation in dollars than you had points, so points we can control and focus on the Cup.

We like the points system. We're not sure many fans really care how many points a guy has. They want to see what relationship -- our research tells us in focus groups and polls is that fans want to see how -- you, know, what kind of lead Vijay has on Phil Mickelson. What's the spread? How can he win it back? What's at stake this week? That's most of it.

The PGA Tour ran the FedEx Cup by focus groups and this is what they came up with? Shocking.

Q. Two questions, please: One player just told me that this tournament has the wrong name. It's not the TOUR Championship, it's the FedEx Final, and that its name should be changed. Is that something you might consider?

COMMISSIONER FINCHEM: Yeah, I've heard that from a couple people over the last few months. We're going to -- we'll consider everything. I mean, to this gentleman's question, tying the branding and the nomenclature of what's happening in the playoffs to what the competition really is important. So we'll be looking at all avenues to get to a desired goal.

Isn't there a VP of Brand and Nomenclature Suturing to figure this out? The FedEx Cup Final Brought To You By Coca-Cola. Works for me. I'll just call it The Crosby anyway.

Q. Just one short follow-up. In the short-term what you're seeing cropping up in various places such as Atlanta, some problems with gas availability, I imagine that hurts on-site attendance and other ancillary services that you have going on.

COMMISSIONER FINCHEM: Yeah, we've noticed some softness in attendance.

Well that's why Cial...sorry, I promised no more erectile dysfunction jokes. Continue...

Even in markets where ticket sales are up, a little softness in the people that are coming out.

That's rude!

There's no science to this.

That's why they created Cial...

We don't have a lot of metrics. Anecdotally our tournaments are telling us that some people are buying a week pass, they usually come out three days and they're coming out one or two days and it's because of gas. People are just driving less.

It hasn't really been that noticeable. And like I said, it's not huge on admissions at this point. But we have noticed that in some markets. It's an interesting phenomenon. I don't know where that goes in the long-term, but it's not a good thing, gas prices.

You know, I think that's the least of the PGA Tour's concerns.

Sandy Tatum Interview on GCA

Lots of great stuff in this Q&A with the former USGA President, now posted at GolfClubAtlas.com.

Monty: Faldo Blew It, Therefore We Need Sandy!

From an unbylined report in The Guardian:

Asked if he thought Faldo got the best out of the team beaten by five points in Kentucky Montgomerie, who missed out on the action for the first time since 1989, replied: "Possibly not." And the eight-time European No1, who could have surpassed Faldo's cup points record had he been invited along, gave the broadest hint that the decision to put double Open and PGA champion Padraig Harrington out last in the singles was the gravest error.

"It occurred to me [when he saw the order] that unfortunately [Ian] Poulter, [Lee] Westwood, Harrington are possibly our three strongest players and they might not be - might be, but might not be - involved in the final shake-up. Play them earlier and they would have been involved 100%. Only once in the whole history of the Ryder Cup has the No12 decided the match; Bernhard Langer in 1991."

Somehow I'm not so sure this is going to help, though Sandy Lyle found this "inspiring":

Montgomerie also believes that Sandy Lyle should succeed Faldo for the next tournament at Celtic Manor in 2010, despite growing calls for Welshman Ian Woosnam to return to guide the side to victory as he did at The K Club two years ago. Of Europe's "Big Five" of the 1980s - Seve Ballesteros, Faldo, Bernhard Langer, Lyle and Woosnam - only Lyle has not yet been given the captaincy. "I think it would be nice to see him," said Montgomerie. "I feel it would be a shame if it wasn't Sandy."

Tiger Walking Around Dubai?

Thanks to Tuco for this CNN video of Tiger Woods' Dubai project with the usual stuff from Tiger about how it'll be playable for the average man yet still challenging for him.

More interesting than that, if you can believe it, is the footage of Tiger walking. It probably was shot a good while ago, but if it's post surgery as the reporter seems to indicate, he looks to be getting around pretty well.

Tour Championship: "The catering equivalent of a turd in the punchbowl."

Steve Elling writes:

The Tour Championship's importance has been wrecked by a sad confluence of events that left a tournament designed to be a grand finale into the catering equivalent of a turd in the punchbowl.

Yes, it starts today.

Would this be a bad time to bring up this proposal again? Promise I won't mention it again.

“We didn’t want the green to look like it had been dropped from outer space in the backyard of Golf House"

Someone named Dave Fanucchi of the USGA, who apparently is part of the "new media" gang brought into restore Far Hills media relations order (but they are waiting to tell the golf media this!), sent this press release regarding Far Hills' new Gil Hanse-constructed putting course.

USGA Museum’s The Pynes Putting Course Now Open to the Public

Far Hills, N.J. (Sept. 23, 2008) – The USGA Museum today opened The Pynes Putting Course, a 16,000-square-foot putting green that will allow visitors to test their skills using replicas of antique putters and balls from the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

The Pynes Putting Course will be open to visitors during regular Museum hours from early spring to late fall, weather permitting. The green fee is $5 with paid admission to the Museum and includes a souvenir square-mesh golf ball. Visitors will be able to use replicas of four classic putters ‑‑ such as Bob Jones’ famous Calamity Jane II ‑- to play the nine-hole course, which will be re-routed on a weekly basis.

Named for Evelyn and Percy Pyne, who lived on the grounds of the country estate that is now home to the United States Golf Association, The Pynes Putting Course was inspired by the world-renowned Himalayas putting green in St. Andrews, Scotland. That green, which has served as home to the Ladies’ Putting Club of St. Andrews since 1867, has long welcomed visitors from all over the globe.

“We hope that the experience of playing the putting course will increase visitors’ appreciation for golfers of the past and their skills,” said Rand Jerris, Director of the USGA Museum. “We hope there are some golfers who come and get hooked on the history of the game. It’s a place where families are welcome, and it may be the first time some visitors ever get to putt on a grass green.”

The green was designed by Philadelphia-based architect Gil Hanse, who also spent more than two days on a shaper to fashion the putting surface’s dramatic mounds and swales. USGA Green Section staffers Jim Moore and Dave Oatis oversaw the agronomic details of the green, which utilizes “Declaration,” a creeping bentgrass strain developed at Rutgers University with the assistance of USGA Green Section funding.

Now, I don't like to pick on the USGA, but it would be nice if someone had proofread this so that it didn't have Gil Hanse spending two days on a shaper when he was actually on a bulldozer.

Gil also donated his services. Now, I would have advised against this since the USGA has $300 million in reserve (well...before the last few weeks they did). Still, it would have been nice for them to note that. It was also left out of David Shefter's otherwise excellent story on the new green, which also explains the fascinating process of making period putters and balls. There are also photo links there as well with images by John Mummert, including plenty of the construction process.

"We've got to have a climactic finish"

I've been a little busy and the Ryder Cup was just too good to let go of, so I haven't read Tim Finchem's press conference very closely but it looks like he was in one of his more long-winded modes, and we know how well that usually turns out.

I did see this from Doug Ferguson regarding the FedEx Cup.

Finchem said he expects a good week and big crowd, and it helps that Saturday's round will be played early, so as not to conflict with the NBC broadcast of Notre Dame football. Thankfully, Georgia plays Alabama on Saturday night.

In the meantime, he said changes to the FedEx Cup appear imminent.

``We've got to have a climactic finish,'' Finchem said. ``It's going to build to a finish.''

That's why he makes $5 million a year. It only took two years for him to figure that out.

"The thing that makes Sharp Park unique is it's a (public course) and it has a low green fee, so Joe Six-Pack can play."

Marisa Lagos reports on the escalating feud over the San Francisco city courses and in particular Alister MacKenzie's Sharp Park on the eve of a city golf meeting to determine the fate of the city courses. There just has to be a way to make this work...

An environmental group is accusing the city of San Francisco of illegally killing two federally protected animals that live at a publicly owned golf course, and is threatening to sue if city officials refuse to close the golf course and restore the coastal wetlands.

The potential legal challenge over Sharp Park Golf Course - a city-owned, beachside course built around a lagoon in Pacifica - is the latest salvo in a continuing battle over the future of the city's five public courses. The announcement was made just days before a public meeting on the issue.

The Center for Biological Diversity plans to file a claim today in an attempt to protect the endangered San Francisco garter snake and the threatened red-legged frog, which are native to the area. The claim accuses the Recreation and Park Department, which owns the 77-year-old golf course, of killing both animals through regular maintenance activities, including lawn mowing, the use of chemicals, the draining of water from the area and alteration of the habitat in other ways.

"The next generation of Korean golfers understands the importance of learning English at an early age."

Add instructor Mike Bender to the list of people Carolyn Bivens did not consult before pushing her learn-English policy. In this week's SI Golf Plus:

The next generation of Korean golfers understands the importance of learning English at an early age. The players and their parents realize that the best golf instruction is in the U.S., and the players will learn faster and better if they can converse with their teachers. They also recognize that their role models — Se Ri Pak, Seon Hwa Lee and K.J. Choi — all speak English, and they see how doing so enriches their lives in the U.S. and facilitates their ability to secure sponsors and garner attention.

Final Ryder Cup Question: Would Rough Have Helped...

...of course not. But because we need to shift focus to the totally meaningless and devoid-of-drama Tour Championship, there is one more Ryder Cup question worth considering.

It was clear that the Azinger cut was enormous and from the scalping I saw, maybe a little tighter cut than originally planned. Based on the shots hit from it, the lies were almost comparable to fairway heights. So Valhalla's landing areas played 40-50 yards wide in most cases.

Yes, there were some ankle deep areas we'll call "native" but in terms of 3-4 inch fertilized and pampered stuff lining separating fairways from gallery ropes, there just wasn't much rough. Nor was there much around the greens. I recall one Hunter Mahan chip from behind a green (17?) sitting in some thick stuff, otherwise there is not another shot of significance that we saw played from the pitch-out junk that lines all too many fairways and engulfs putting surfaces.

Now, if this were a stroke play event and the boys faced this setup, people would be calling Valhalla names and downplaying the course's quality. If it were an individual stroke play event, the press would be calling it un-major like and not a true "test." Scores might have been, gasp, low and we'd be deprived of the flukish fascination of seeing drives just barely missing fairways getting a raw deal as wild miss-hits find a nice matted down lie.

So why isn't this rough-free Ryder Cup's integrity being questioned? Don't tell me it's little old "match play" giving it the free pass here.

Could it be that we're seeing a realization by the media that rough is a cancerous growth on any golf course and that it's been depriving us of excitement? Could the combination of the Masters losing its appeal, the U.S. Open climbing quickly thanks to tiered roughs and the PGA at Oakland Hills contrasting so starkly with Southern Hills, actually awakening the media to the vagaries of rough and absurd setup ploys?

I give to you example A of why I think this may be the case, but of course welcome your thoughts. Tim Rosaforte at GolfDigest.com writes:

Everybody talked about the way Azinger tweaked Valhalla, but it didn't really favor either side. What it did was create the most exciting shootout of the year, with holes being halved with birdies and flagsticks peppered with shots. It's too bad major golf associations such as the USGA don't take more of a page from this, letting the guys play with an open collar instead of a straightjacket. With the ball bounding on those Kentucky fairways and balls releasing off those contours toward the hole, it was similar to Augusta National when it was exciting, not the year's first U.S. Open.

Update on 2008-09-25 04:08 by Geoff

On this subject, Michael Bamberger in SI:

The golf course helped make the event. Captain Paul Azinger, working with PGA of America officials and Valhalla's course superintendent, Mark Wilson, had it just right. Fairways wide enough to encourage the players to hit driver. Rough that was penal but playable. Greens that were probably slightly slower than regular Tour speed, which meant the players could get putts to the hole. Just enough water on the greens to make them receptive. They weren't U.S. Open conditions, and you wouldn't want U.S. Open conditions in this event. They were ideal match-play conditions. I had never been a big fan of Valhalla — its scale is too huge — but this time I felt differently. I hope Billy Payne and Fred Ridley and the boys at Augusta were watching closely. They could get some tips on course setup from Azinger and Co. I'm not saying make it Mickey Mouse. I'm saying let them play and put on a show. All these things today are TV events anyhow, right?

"Basically, if your commercials air during golf tournaments, you're done."

I admire Jim Gorant's optimism about the financial meltdown's impact on pro golf, but it seems a little early to say how this will play out.

Amy Poehler finished up a routine about the Wall Street meltdown on last week's Saturday Night Live by saying, "Basically, if your commercials air during golf tournaments, you're done." Funny, and seemingly true, since 26 banks, brokerage houses and insurance companies have their names attached to PGA, Champions and Nationwide tour events, and even more advertise during tournaments. The list includes AIG, Merrill Lynch, which was acquired by Bank of America (also a sponsor), and the troubled banks Northern Trust and Wachovia, the latter of which considered a merger with the Memorial's presenting sponsor, Morgan Stanley.

But not all is necessarily as it appears. "Competitors of those troubled giants like AIG and Merrill Lynch have every reason to pump up ad spending to steal away customers," Media Life magazine reported last week. "And of course the new owners of these institutions will want to up spending to repair what damage they can." To that point, Golf Channel president Page Thompson says, "At this time we have not seen any negative impact on either this year's sales or on future advertising plans."