Kapalua, Day One Groove Comedy

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I've only caught a few minutes of the SBS Championship from Kapalua and it happened to be after Kelly Tilghman and Nick Faldo started talking about grooves. Kelly reported that she was subjected to a USGA briefing in which they were told how driving accuracy has not correlated to money won but armed with less spinny-grooves, the USGA believes players will have to be a lot more accurate off the tee this year if they want to enjoy success.

Faldo went on about how giddy he was at this development, then Frank Nobilo chimed in with some comments about the impact being greater around the greens as Bo Van Pelt was trying to get up and down on No. 8. That was followed by Mark Rolfing's thoughts on how different things will be.

Cut to Angel Cabrera pulling out driver and having a go at the 398-yard par-4 sixth.

"The tone of the news conference and the demeanor of the usually unflappable Finchem changed direction faster than a putt on the slick and tricky greens of the Plantation Course."

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Alex Miceli reports on Tim Finchem's testy sitdown with the scribblers just a few weeks after he put on a brave face to talk about Tiger's leave.

It appears that ASAP has not been hired to do transcripts for the Kapalua event, but we thankfully have Golfweek's Miceli to share the key exchanges with us:

Question: Have you talked to Tiger or attempted to talk to him?

Tim Finchem: Have I talked to who?

Q: Tiger.

Finchem: I answered this question before. The answer is, I have not.

Q: When?

Finchem: The day I did my press conference (Dec. 17).

Now that's a weird answer. Or just a wee bit smart assy...take your pick.

Q: It’s a few weeks later.

Finchem: No, I have not talked to Tiger. No, I have not talked to him. I don’t know when I would talk to him.

Q: It’s been three weeks. I just thought I would ask.

Finchem: When I addressed that, I thought I addressed it in this context, that he asks for privacy. We pledged our commitment to give him privacy, so that would include me trying to talk to him.

Q: I understand that. I thought with a personal relationship, if you tried to reach him at all.

Finchem: No.

That's just bizarre  he did not try to reach out and touch someone. Actually, this is more peculiar:

Q: You were asked about Tiger’s relationship with (inaudible). You said you had no concerns...

Finchem: No, what I said was that I was not involved in evaluating it myself. That our anti-doping team, which includes internal people and external people, had reviewed the procedure that was given to Tiger in media reports, and they had no concerns that that procedure violated our anti-doping policies. That’s what I said.

Q: You also said, according to the transcript, ‘I have no reason to have any concern.’

Finchem: Because of that report, I had no reason.

So they reached their conclusion about Tiger's work with Dr. Galea based on news reports? Granted, Dr. Galea did blab excessively to the New York Times but that sure seems like an odd way to conduct an investigation even if it was the paper of record.

Q: That comment was widely panned by a number of doping experts, including the head of WADA (World Anti-Doping Agency), who accused you of having your head in the sand.

Finchem: Was he talking about the procedure or the possibility of using HGH (human growth hormone)? I had no report that they said anything about me having my head in the sand.

Q: Well, he said, I quote, unquote, As a doping expert, when I hear in the same question, blood spinning, HGH and Actovegin, I tend to straighten up and have a better look. At least you look into it.

Finchem: I appreciate his advice. I will stand by the response I gave during the press conference. I had no reason to be concerned about the procedure that was reported. I’m not so sure that that’s inconsistent with what he said. I’m not suggesting it is, but I will stand by my response. Do you have another question?

Oh, a do you have another question! I believe that's MBASpeak for, go...oh wait, this is a family website.

Q: You don't think maybe you could have phrased it differently?

Finchem: I’m not going to play word games with you.

He would never do such a thing. Well there was the time he used Latin. And there was coterminously.

I answered your question. If you have another question, I will try to answer that one.

I think someone needs a Kapalua Spa day! Get this man a Waihua’s Lomilomi Massage, followed by a Blueberry Soy Slimming, a Vitamin C Firm & Tone and top it all off by throwing a Microdermabrasion & Yam Enzyme on the old PGA Tour expense account. (And you think I'm making those up...here's the menu.)

Maybe This Is Why The USGA Doesn't Mind On-Course Electronic Device Use

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...@ $3.99 a pop, I smell a major new revenue source: the mobile phone Rules of Golf app.

I can't wait until a player whips out his iPhone to consult the rule book, or uses it to take a photo of mud on his ball. Or maybe they could do both, and email their rules question in from the phone? That ought to speed up play.