Tiger's Indefinite Leave Clippings, Investigations Edition

Before we get into all of the investigations launched Monday, Alan Shipnuck on the mood at Kapalua and the increasingly apparent issues facing Tiger when and if he returns:

Even pals like Stricker have no feel for when Woods will return. But coming back is only the first step. For all of his wondrous physical gifts, Woods's mental toughness was always his greatest strength. With his carefully cultivated image shattered, his family potentially torn asunder and a once-adoring public now turned largely hostile, it is not a given that Tiger will ever again regain the focus, intensity and desire that defined him as a player.

Jason Sobel suggests that barring something unusual, Tiger should hold on to his No. 1 ranking, something Sobel isn't wild about.

Simply put, without being totally dominant, that shouldn't be enough golf for Tiger to retain this ranking for so long. Over this period, he won seven of those 19 starts, but failed to claim a major championship.

So, what's the explanation? According to those who run the OWGR, "Tiger Woods' average points figure will drop each week he doesn't play and it will take until somewhere between the U.S. Open and Open Championship for his average to drop to where Phil Mickelson's currently is. If Mickelson plays well enough to maintain his current average and Woods doesn't play, then the No. 1 spot could change hands early July." Of course, they also allow that "there are so many variables to be more precise than that."

Mike Fish reveals that Dr. Anthony Galea assistant Mary Anne Catalano's court appearance has been postponed until March 12, buying more time for the doctor and those who may be implicated in the investigation. Since multiple sources say Tiger won't be involved, I'd count this as good news either way.

Denver's KUSA 9 says a Federal investigation has been opened into the "Unfaithful" pop art/product tampering situation. Amazingly, 1000 bottles were made and one of the geniuses left an email address on the packaging. Even better, he's blabbing to the press.

9Wants To Know investigators tracked an e-mail hidden in the label's small print to Jason Kay of Longmont.

Kay admitted he helped a friend pull of what he called a "pop art" project.

"He doesn't want to be contacted," Kay said. "The artist wants to remain anonymous because there are similar future projects in the works."

Kay said the object of the project was to create conversation.

Bottles turning up in the Denver area have hand-written numbers on the bottom indicating each is one of 100.

Kay said there are actually about 1,000 such "unfaithful" bottles planted in stores from Longmont to Denver. He said the hand-numbered ones are just the "collectors' edition."

He admitted the stunt was "very expensive" but wouldn't discuss the details of making the labels or sneaking them into stores.

"I used my connections," Kay said.

Parents must be so proud!

Megan O'Matz reports that a Florida state senator wants to investigate the anonymous tip suggesting possible child abuse in the Woods residence.

Now, a state senator who oversees Florida's Department of Children & Families is calling for an investigation into whether someone knowingly filed a false child abuse report against the Woods family, perhaps needlessly traumatizing the Woods children and wasting time and tax dollars. Doing so is a felony.

The senator said she thinks a call was placed to the Florida Abuse Hotline "to keep the media celebrity attention going."

"To use the resources of the state for some grand celebrity theater is completely unacceptable," said Sen. Ronda Storms, a Hillsborough County Republican who chairs the Senate's Children, Families and Elder Affairs Committee. "It robs children who are legitimately in danger." 

Mel Gibson spoke out on Tiger's behalf...

'I feel sorry for Tiger Woods,' he says. 'Why are we talking about this when we're sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan? You've got this history-changing event going on and we're talking about Tiger's private life and golf injuries. He's being used as a diversion and it just drives me crazy. You come out savaged. I just think, 'Who cares?'

The SI roundtable guys talked about life without Tiger and what it'll be like after his return:

Van Sickle: Enough of Sir Charles. What's the status of Tiger Woods? He has completely dropped out of sight, yet he was still the talk of the week, even after the SBS Championship got underway. Can we get over him and get on with the season?

Shipnuck: Here at Kapalua, Tiger loomed large in his absence. The players are weirded-out not knowing where he is, when he's coming back, or if he'll be the same when he does. Tiger's return, or lack thereof, will go a long way toward defining the season. Until he's back we're all going to continue obsessing about him.

Herre: I can see why the other players find TW's absence unsettling — it's weird being in the dark and not knowing. Mark Rolfing said on Golf Channel that everything will quickly return to normal when TW returns. I don't think so.

Friedman: Yes, it's a be-careful-what-you-wish-for situation. His first tournament back will be a zoo.

Farrell Evans, writer-reporter, Sports Illustrated: Tiger could have taken some notes from Sir Charles about not taking himself so seriously. Charles is having fun. A less uptight Tiger might relish the opportunity to host SNL.

Van Sickle: That could be a smart option once his marriage situation is settled. Not that Tiger would ever consider it.

And finally, I'm guessing they won't be pitching this reality show to The Golf Channel. Particularly when you have never-before behind-the-scenes footage of John Daly.

"A look at Fowler’s future"

Check out the impressive Facebook/Rickie Fowler-hype-machine parody by Golfweek's Monday scramble team.

Tiger's Indefinite Leave Clippings, "Unfaithful" Edition

Kevin Mitchell reports on Butch Harmon's expanded on-air comments about how Tiger needs to handle his return. I'm sure Tiger appreciates the input:

"The golfing public would like to see Tiger Woods do a press conference," Harmon said. "To stand there in front of everybody, take his medicine, be humble, be embarrassed, be humiliated, and answer the questions. But where the hell is he? We could find Osama bin Laden easier than we can find Tiger Woods. How long can you spend on a yacht in the middle of the ocean?"

There have been suggestions that the Ryder Cup could be tricky, and Butch gets right to the point:

"The difficult part, in my opinion, is going to be the heckling from the galleries. He's going to get it. If he plays in the Ryder Cup [in Wales in October], which I happen to think he will, that's going to be very interesting."

Paul Harris notes that Tiger's disappearing act continues to be a public relations fiasco.

His rumoured whereabouts range from a series of exotic locations around the globe to the idea that he might still be holed up in his Florida mansion, undergoing lengthy sessions of marriage counselling in the wake of revelations of his serial adultery with numerous women. But only one thing is clear: no one has any idea where he is.

"It really is amazing. Anyone wanting, in effect, to disappear from the face of the earth should take a leaf out of his book," said Ashley Dos Santos, an executive at Crosby-Volmer International Communications and an expert on crisis PR.

In fact, Woods's achievements in disappearing would seem to match any of his many astonishing sporting triumphs when it comes to skill, perseverance and triumphing against the odds.

But nearly all experts agree that Woods cannot hide for ever and that the longer he stays hidden the more obsessed the world will become when he does finally emerge. "This is a classic case of what not to do in a crisis," said Dos Santos.

As for his future golf media relations, the SI/golf.com team kicked this around and Jim Herre probably summed it up best:

Herre: I think the way Woods has handled the scandal to this point is a pretty good indicator of how he intends to handle things when and if he returns.

People posts an Elin update on her holiday ski trip and concern for her children, as does this extensive James Desborough News of the World story suggesting she's keeping them away from Tiger because of his sensitive mental state. There is also this, which makes sense based on his incredible and increasingly disturbing disappearing act.

A source told us: "He has been extremely moody, with his conversations to managers and friends as brief as possible.

"He has cut off others from his entourage. Even his caddie Steve can't get hold of him at the moment.

"And he's made it clear that he doesn't want to do anything on the golf course for a long time, even until 2012. He realised that his golf tour life has become a decadent, no holds barred non stop party.

"Some of us are worried he may never return."

Cindy Adams of the NY Post (thanks reader Rick) suggests there is a 24/7 Tiger PR team--really--looking for damage control specialists.

Now hustling around -- not to lawyers, which they already have -- but to damage-control specialists with a track record who know the streets and can also handle financial issues. A whole other war's brewing relating to shareholders in companies that have canceled endorsements. Besides whatever's being promised to the wife, there exists wrangling businesswise. Endorsers who pulled out, what do their contracts stipulate? Can more money be due? While everything's based on image, not all the contracts have morality clauses.

They're hunting a honcho plugged into the press who has heretofore handled scandalous stories. They're figuring a two-year project. One year to let it all shake out and damage-control it. Second year to rebuild. As in Operation Clinton and Spitzer.

So, for the nonce, Humpty Dumpty must stave off financial lawsuits and stay cozy with all the endorsers whom he basically thinks have put a shiv in his back.

Denver's KUSA television reveals a case of product placement involving Tiger and Gatorade:



And finally, the Wanda Sykes show chimed in on the Brit Hume remarks:



SNL On The Haney Project

Why Did Kapalua Have To Go Soft? **

It's hard to think of Kapalua without quickly recalling the epic 2000 duel between Tiger Woods and Ernie Els (it's briefly touched on in this PGA Tour Productions film, though we're deprived of seeing the ball landing and rolling into 18).  While their back and forth birdies were thrilling, I don't think it's a reach to suggest that the 2000 event sticks with many of us because of the incredible sling-shot approaches they played on the 18th.

Could they play those shots in the 2010 event? By the looks of the last few SBS/Mercedes Championships, Kapalua is a lot greener and softer than it used to be. And despite HD and Golf Channel's many nice production twists (which seem even better this year), Kapalua is a lot less interesting to watch.

I went back and looked at Ran Morrissett's write up at GolfClubAtlas and his enthusiasm for the Plantation Course confirms my memories. It's tough to see Morrissett raving about the shotmaking possibilities today.

In one caption he wrote:

Who will ever forget the finish that Tiger Woods and Ernie Els put on at the thrilling Home hole during the 2000 Mercedes Championship? Great architecture does indeed inspire great golf.

In another caption for the photo posted at right of 18th hole, he notes:

The thrilling 18th - 290 yards out and still going for it in two!

With the approaches as soft and lush as they are today, would that still be the case for Morrissett?

And would the below described shot be possible?

17th hole, 485 yards: Broadly speaking, this hole is similar to the 18th hole at Harbour Town if that hole were laid down a ski slope. The fairway is 100 yards (!) wide. The golfer seeking the shorter way home must play over a deep gorge to a green the size of a small colony. Watching a well-played approach drift across the green from right to left toward the hole is satisfying indeed.

It was satisfying to watch too...

18th hole, 665 yards: Believe it or not, this is a gambling three shotter even though it is 200 yards longer the 13th hole at Augusta National. How far downhill, down wind is it? In a shot that he will remember forever, my (then) sixty one year old father reached the edge of the green from 315 yards out! As has been noted throughout these course profiles, this type of hole where big swings are possible (anything from a 3 to a8 awaits) is the author’s favorite type finishing hole. Just hitting this 16,000 square foot green from just 30 yards short of it in the fairway is one of the single most demanding shots on the course, all because of the front to back tilt of the green.

That 30 yard shot may still be tricky, but it's hard to envision those long sling-shot approaches on today's Kapalua. This would be tolerable if more PGA Tour venues provided similar thrills of watching the ball land doing strange things.

Update on 2010-01-11 04:25 by Geoff

**Doug Ferguson's final round notes include this possible explanation for why some of Kapalua's shot values appeared missing in action. Anyone have old photos they can email me of Kapalua showing when it was definitely not overly lush?

Maui has not received much rain over the last month, and the course doesn’t look overly lush, even though players feel as though they are not getting the roll they have received in years past.

Slugger White, the PGA Tour official in charge of the course, said the only watering this week was by hand to catch “hot spots” that are brown and can die.

Chalk that up to windy conditions.

The course was built with trade wind in mind, yet this week featured the Kona wind. The trade wind blows toward the ocean, meaning the wind goes in the same direction as the slope and the grain. The ball then rolls for miles, or at least it seems that way. This is the week to record 400-yard drives, and there have been six of them going into the final round.

With the Kona wind, it blows up the hill and into the grain, which reduces the roll.

One hole that speaks to the wind change was the 17th on Saturday, which is 508 yards down the hill as a par 4. O’Hair pounded a driver and hit 3-wood for his second shot in the opening round. The tees were moved forward Saturday because of the opposite wind, yet when O’Hair reached the 17th tee, the conditions had switched to a trade wind.

He hit a 3-wood to the right to avoid running through the fairway, leaving him an 8-iron to the green. A 9-iron would have been more appropriate, for he flew the green.

Kapalua, Day One Groove Comedy

I've only caught a few minutes of the SBS Championship from Kapalua and it happened to be after Kelly Tilghman and Nick Faldo started talking about grooves. Kelly reported that she was subjected to a USGA briefing in which they were told how driving accuracy has not correlated to money won but armed with less spinny-grooves, the USGA believes players will have to be a lot more accurate off the tee this year if they want to enjoy success.

Faldo went on about how giddy he was at this development, then Frank Nobilo chimed in with some comments about the impact being greater around the greens as Bo Van Pelt was trying to get up and down on No. 8. That was followed by Mark Rolfing's thoughts on how different things will be.

Cut to Angel Cabrera pulling out driver and having a go at the 398-yard par-4 sixth.