IM'ing With The Commissioners, Vol. IX, Goodbye Annika

My sources have been lacking, but after The Players and Annika's retirement announcement, they finally procured an instant message exchange between our beloved Commissioners.

DaBrandLady: tim, you there?

twfPGATour©: Yes, I'm still unwinding from a busy week. My sympathies Carolyn.

DaBrandLady: for what. i'm doing great! :)

twfPGATour©: Well one of your top-of-the-line products is deplatforming and discontinuing production.

DaBrandLady: oh annika?

twfPGATour©: Yes, what a shame. But I'm sure her Q rating will spike with a pregnancy and we know how that translates for your value streaming and interfacing.

DaBrandLady: hehe i know, it's great news all the way around. we're moving outdated product off the shelves and rollingout in fresh inventory that the targeted demo relates to! speaking of that, congrats on Sergio beating that frumpy non-demo guy.

twfPGATour©:  Thanks. But don't forget that she was is the greatest single product of our time in women's golf, I'm sure you'll miss her a little?

DaBrandLady: naw. her brand was tired, lorena's our macro brand now. more importantly, i wanted to tell you how I loved your 5 tips for managing well in last week's WSJ. it got me thinking that my staff and players might want to know my 5 tips.

twfPGATour©: They might.

DaBrandLady: may i run my 5 by you?

twfPGATour©: Do it now.

DaBrandLady: oh, are you in a hurry?

twfPGATour©: No. Do it now was my No. 1 tip for managing well, remember? I would put one of those eye wink smiley faces here but I don't know how.

DaBrandLady: oh i get it! hehe lololol

DaBrandLady: so okay here's my first tip:  brand it now.  

twfPGATour©: Hmmm...strong, to the point and sound strategy. You might think of punching up with some language on the qualitative analytics of measuring commercial inventory.

DaBrandLady: okay, dutifully noted!  here's no. 2: interface, interface, interface

twfPGATour©: Interesting, resembles the infrastructure of my tip No. 2, Communicate, communicate, communicate.  But I like it. Makes good business sense. I don't particularly care for interface with my players, but someone has to do it.

DaBrandLady: me neither. they can be such a problem. and so slow on the course!

DaBrandLady: moving right along, here's no. 3: seek brand strength at all costs, but recognize when to sacrifice value streams for cohesive platform interractivity.

twfPGATour©: That's strong. I haven't used interractivity in a long time. Such a vital concept.

DaBrandLady: i thought so too!

DaBrandLady: here's no. 4: remember that, as the leader of a charitable organization, you must also generate bench strength through constant refreshment of said organization.

twfPGATour©: That sounds much like some of the language we cooked up for last week's reshuffling press release?

DaBrandLady: well it is, i'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. it's just such a great metaphor.

twfPGATour©: You can run with it. I wish I had thought of that for my tip number 5. But you know I had little time to prepare my 5 Tips For Managing Well because I had misunderstood what they wanted and instead concocted my list of 5 Tips For Managing Wellness. I should have known the WSJ wouldn't be asking about my thoughts on Omega-3s.

DaBrandLady: well i would still read them!

DaBrandLady:  okay, finally, no. 5: you can pick your friends, you can pick your brand, but you can't pick your brand's nose.

twfPGATour©: I might end it with "but you can't pick your friend's brand"

DaBrandLady: oh right! that's what i get for reading my old fortune cookies without glasses!

twfPGATour©:  Well I hope the WSJ gives you a shot. I'm having my five tips embroidered to framed placemats for the 8 EVPs, the 22 SVPs and on throw pillows for the 32 VPs.

DaBrandLady: very nice touch! that's a lot of pillows!

twfPGATour©: No kidding. Say, carolyn, I hate to cut you off, but it's been a long week. We had to do over 90 minutes on slow play at a player's meeting last week and I have to write a memo to pretend I am following up.

DaBrandLady: ironical that you would have a long, slow meeting on slow play!

twfPGATour©: I'm really not believer in irony.

DaBrandLady: i'm not sure i know what it means.

twfPGATour©: Say Carolyn, I suppose we will have to keep giving the impression we are worried about this slow play issue. I've crunched value modulations on our network telecasts running long and it's a huge bonus for us when it happens, always good for a solid Nielsen point. So I'm not in any hurry to see things speed up. Is that how you feel?

DaBrandLady: wish we had that problem, but we're not on any networks in the late afternoon.

twfPGATour©: Well, in time perhaps. Give my best to...

DaBrandLady: He would say hi back if he were here!