Vanity Fair On Tiger Woods...
I love Vanity Fair and I know they had to put something in the space next to the Annie Liebovitz images of Tiger sporting an Alcatraz-prison-yard aesthetic (where's Marty Hackel when you need him?).
But the Conde Nast publication would have been so much better off reprinting Jaime Diaz's excellent February, 2010, Golf Digest piece than the huge pile of nothing filed by old media maven and windbag (there I go again!) Buzz Bissinger.
Here's Bissinger's opening paragraph, where he makes sure to get it wrong out of the gate:
It wasn’t until after the early-morning hours of November 27—when Tiger Woods got into his Cadillac Escalade closely trailed by a golf club carried by his likely very furious wife, drove his car far less distance than he putts a golf ball, and hit a fire hydrant—that the tens of millions of us who admired him suddenly came to a realization: this was the first time we had ever seen him do something human, except perhaps for when, at the Buick Open last year, he was caught on video shaking his leg, apparently farting, and then grinning like a frat boy.
Of course we know from the extensive Fartgate coverage here that Tiger was exonerated and CBS funnyman David Feherty was the likely culprit. But Buzz, being the anti-blog guy that he is, could not understand from watching the YouTube video that Tiger's leg shake was just a little on-course blood platelet spin.
This was hilarious too...
Some pro golfers, such as Phil Mickelson, wear their hearts on their sleeves during these sessions. Mickelson could talk candidly about his game and the impact of his wife’s having breast cancer. He could also be snarky and pissy. Never Tiger.
No, Tiger was never snarky or pissy in a press conference! Never! Ever!
Look, don't waste your time. Read Diaz's piece, it's still by far the best thing anyone has filed.
Monday, January 4, 2010 at 09:59 AM
Reader Comments (31)
Each one either started with or incorporated a false premise.
Then I got very, very sleepy.
You nailed it with the "Alcatraz prison aesthetic" line. Very interesting. Tiger as thug. There was a season where Nike photographed him where they tried to make him malevolent, mean Tiger. Tiger as Tupac Shakur, slightly unshaven, darker lighting, re-touched in photo shop. (Speaking of prison-aesthetic, for the few style mavens, when you rewatch Alcatraz, there is a great scene where Clint walks into the yard and every guy is wearing standard issue pea coat and knit wool hat...stunning visual effect, but i digress.)
Bissinger has some interesting (read: weird) phrasing in his story about how Tiger's peers "knew" of his 71 Tour victories; how they "knew" of 14 majors, etc. Buzz, they knew because they were there.
Anyway, this is what's known as "phoning it in." Why not go back and actually talk to Ernie, Retief, Phil? What, none of these guys are taking calls from Vanity Fair? That's the reason, you work for Vanity Fair...so these guys take your calls. Reminds me a little bit of the New York Times' effort where they say, in effect, future fallout of TW train wreck won't be known for many years. What, the NYT can't get tournament sponsors, tournament directors, Tour and network executives to speak candidly (or "not for attribution fearing retribution") about their golden goose being fileted?
It's amazing that not one golfer has apparently talked to Woods, nor had the commish as of a few weeks ago, or had Sir Charles. What IS Woods doing to occupy his time?
P.S. Who's Finchem's fishing buddies btw? Mark Rolfing and Sid Wilson, acc. to a post at Golf Digest by the great Dave Shedlowski!! Guess that's how Sid earns his keep as VP/player relations.
Speaking purely from a shallow female perspective, I hope Hackel would not discourage this look. I think that's the hottest/most attractive photograph I've ever seen of Tiger (perhaps because the skull cap effectively disguises the receding hairline).
Gotta hand it to VF, though: a shot of Tiger glaring out from the magazine rack looking like a WWF heel named "The Central Park Rapist" sure should sell a lot of copies.
Escape From Islesworth
"Better get used to those bars kid."
What are the odds Tiger ends up like OJ or Plaxico when it's all said and done?
Good post!
Judging by this picture alone, you could be right. He looks like a serious wimp...very little muscle, simply toned...like he teaches aerobics or something.
However, taking a peak at pictures back in the day versus the newer ones makes him look like Hercules. No matter what he looks like now, it really only matters in contrast to what he was before. 185 lbs is not big...but if he weighed 155 previously...then 185 is huge.
Funny post!
I like Tom N's movie title as well!
The reason he hasn't come out to face the music could be that the band hasn't finished playing. I think there are many more skeletons hidden in his closet.
I'm with you. Who was on the accounts payable list for Tiger Jam's I through IX? Who's auditing the books? The first sign of trouble will be when staff resignations come, either by accounting types or by foundation executives. Those are the people who are diving, ducking for cover and/or swimming for shore.
To get to the books, it'll take a local prosecutor, the IRS or a newspaper (or possibly a website) filing a freedom of information request. Seems well within the realm of the plausible that a couple of those Vegas "hostesses/concierge" types were written off as business expenses.
I think the 30 pound difference between Tiger at 21 and Tiger at 34 can be broken down thusly:
Muscle: 6 pounds
Ego: 7 pounds
Wallet: 9 pounds
Little Black Book: 6 pounds
Perkins Frequent Diner Card: 1 ounce
Box of Condoms: zero ounces
Sergio's balls (circa 1999): 7 ounces
Ernie's confidence (limited 2002 edition): 15 ounces
Ambien stash: 4 ounces
Naughty photos of Jaimee mistreating a two-iron: 4 ounces
Last shred of dignity: one ounce.
Oh, wait. Could it be Money, Fame and Power?
That would be a first.
That was a brilliant, well researched, treatise you did for MRP.
And the last line was one for the ages: "Last shred of dignity: one ounce."
Sorta says it all...
You got it right...the misappropriation of funds angle could well be the absolute death knell for El Tigre. It is a Federal felony to file a tax return for a 501c3 that "knowingly" allows funds to be diverted away from non-profit uses.It also allows for felony charges under wire and phone fraud use and all that's before any FLA state statutes.
If an overzealous IRS or DoJ agent decides to ignore a begging Mark Steinberg and IMG lobbyists and take a hard look at TW, that could be the worst news yet for the young man! Could be DQ for the Woods posse at that point? Wonder how ol'Timmy would try to spin that one?
well done Fo Shiz!
Every guy here with a receding hairline just winced.
Brilliant!!!
Thus far, post of the year!!!
Classic!
Diaz receives the annual Digest interview, Garrity got the SI 10 minute interview, Roy Johnson got the infamous Men's Health article or go back to Pierce. Why extensively quote a regional golf writer and the 3rd or 4th golf writer at SI?