Monty's Locker Room Tales

Looking for a little self-flagellation before the holiday fun starts? I give you Monty's Ryder Cup diary, as published by The Telegraph. I made it up to this point:

We were all in the team-room and I was the only one standing. I always stood when I was speaking. There was silence and although I could sense the players wanted to speak, on this occasion it was just me. This meant the world to them. I knew it did. It meant the world to me.