"Play a game that you want to play."

Thanks to reader Warren who was forwarded this letter from a "former" golfer who no longer can play, but who has reflected on his years in golf and would like the rest of us to think about how we approach the game. Powerful stuff...

Dear Younger Me :
 
I can’t play golf anymore. I tried to swing the club the other day, but my body wouldn’t cooperate. The best I can do now is sometimes take walks on the course, but my eyes aren’t as good as they used to be so I don’t see much. I have a lot of time to sit and think now, and I often think about the game.
 
It was my favorite game. I played most of my adult life. Thousands of rounds, thousands of hours practicing. As I look back, I guess I had a pretty good time at it. But now that I can’t do it anymore, I wish I had done it differently.
 
It’s funny, but with all the time I spent playing golf, I never thought I was a real golfer. I never felt good enough to really belong out there. It doesn’t make much sense, since I scored better than average and a lot of people envied my game, but I always felt that if I was just a little better or a little more consistent, then I’d feel really good. I’d be satisfied with my game. But I never was. It was always “One of these days I’ll get it” or “One day I’ll get there” and now here I am. I can’t play anymore, and I never got there.
 
I met a whole lot of different people out on the course. That was one of the best things about the game. But aside from my regular partners and a few others, I don’t feel like I got to know many of those people very well. I know they didn’t really get to know me. At times they probably didn’t want to. I was pretty occupied with my own game most of the time and didn’t have much time for anyone else, especially if I wasn’t playing well.
 
So why am I writing you this letter anyway, just to complain? Not really. Like I said, my golfing experience wasn’t that bad. But it could have been so much better, and I see that so clearly now. I want to tell you, so you can learn from it. I don’t want you getting to my age and feeling the same regrets I’m feeling now.
 
I wish, I wish. Sad words, I suppose, but necessary. I wish I could have played the game with more joy, more freedom. I was always so concerned with “doing it right” that I never seemed to be able to enjoy just doing it at all. I was so hard on myself, never satisfied, always expecting more. Who was I trying to please? Certainly not myself, because I never did. If there were people whose opinions were important enough to justify all that self-criticism, I never met them.
 
I wish I could have been a better playing partner. I wasn’t a bad person to be with, really, but I wish I had been friendlier and gotten to know people better. I wish I could have laughed and joked more and given people more encouragement. I probably would have gotten more from them, and I would have loved that. There were a few bad apples over the years, but most of the people I played with were friendly, polite, and sincere. They really just wanted to make friends and have a good time. I wish I could have made more friends and had a better time.
 
I’m inside a lot now and I miss the beauty of the outdoors. For years when I was golfing I walked through some of the most beautiful places on earth, and yet I don’t feel I really saw them. Beautiful landscapes, trees, flowers, animals, the sky, and the ocean – how could I have missed so much? What was I thinking of that was so important – my grip, my backswing, my stance? Sure, I needed to think about those sometimes, but so often as to be oblivious to so much beauty? And all the green – the wonderful, deep, lush color of green! My eyes are starting to fail. I wish I had used them better so I would have more vivid memories now.
 
So what is it that I’m trying to say? I played the type of game that I thought I should play, to please the type of people that I thought I should please. But it didn’t work. My game was mine to play, but I gave it away. It’s a wonderful game. Please, don’t lose yours. Play a game that you want to play. Play a game that gives you joy and satisfaction and makes you a better person to your family and friends. Play with enthusiasm, play with freedom. Appreciate the beauty of nature and the people around you. Realize how lucky you are to be able to do it. All too soon your time will be up, and you won’t be able to play anymore. Play a game that enriches your life.
 
Best wishes . . . don't waste a minute of golf . . . someday it will be gone!
 
 
Signed,
 
 
Me

Update on Tuesday, February 7, 2012 at 02:32 PM by Geoff

**Turns out this is from Fred Shoemaker's excellent book, Extraordinary Golf.

Here's Fred's website.

Comments

[Hawkeye]

And remember to wear sunscreen.

[Colin MacGillivray]

After 50 years at the game my reasons for playing are-
fresh air and exercise enjoyed in beautiful surroundings, conversation and a few good shots and the score.
In that order.

[MatthewM]

Thanks Geoff & Warren. Very salient points, that most clubs would do well to reproduce and frame within their locker room.

[No Longer Used to be Former S&T Convert]

Nice sentiment and most everyone will try to "smell the roses" the next time they play, right up until they miss their next 3 footer...

[johnnnycz]

Very nicely put. I know exactly what type of game that man talked about thinking he HAD to play...it was me up until college when I got put into my place by my senior teammates who are now lifelong friends of mine and will forever be. Took about 3 months before I felt comfortable as a golfer being around them...and they were better than me. Golf became really fun from then on except for a 4-month shanking flu I had end of sophomore year.

Golf is meant to be fun, no one is solving the world's problem by chasing a white ball across the landscape...in the end it's mostly alot of walking interrupted by tragedy&hope. If you can't enjoy the the whole experience because you're focusing so hard on the minute details of own game then you have really missed the plot.

[Ed]

Learn the game playing with your dad, and/or your dad's friends, and you will never feel uncomfortable on a course again.

[Ryan]

This post made my morning.

[Hod]

Strong stuff. The art of friendship can be elusive for men.

[Ghost of Perry Maxwell]

for sure sunscreen, thanks Hawkeye !

[john]

Carpe the duffer, er diem

[Ky Laffoon's Ghost]

Somewhere between Hod and tlavin for me, probably closer to t. And I'm sentimental way too often. Sounds like someone made the whole thing up. In any case, "Me" probably has other issues, too. As in he should have realized this is not a dress rehearsal before he went and got old?

And what Hawkeye says! I've been sliced and diced, twice, to prove it. Sunscreen, if it even existed, was for wimps when I spent my life up to age 18 in the subtropical sun. Not.

[highside]

I'm not entirely sure what the author's driving at. I suspect he'd have the same regrets if he'd played tennis all his life. I've never played a round of golf that wasn't a blast.

[Geoff]

Sounds like someone made the whole thing up? Oy vey.

[Ghandi]

Tlavin
I wish you profound happiness

Unfortunately NLUS&TC is correct
Rebuilding your structure to help you enjoy life is no easy task

Me
No regrets please
Everything you've ever done was to get you to the point where you are now - you are there

Peace

[Ky Laffoon's Ghost]

OK, maybe not. But it does sound something like a mash up of Bagger Vance, Shivas Irons, and Bobby Jobe.

[tlavin]

I'm not saying this is fiction; I just think it's drivel, puerile ramblings from a grown man.

[PJ]

Yes, don't miss out on what golf gives you... friendships, camraderie, beautiful settings, contentment etc. However, "never satisfied" or "always expecting more" are not negatives in my book. Golf to me is more than just an enjoyable activity with friends - it's a real challenge and a true microcosm of life. The game I want to play is where joy comes from never being complacent. In my opinion they can be mutually exclusive - you can keep perspective on things while always striving to play better.

[D. maculata]

"Me" certainly has a lot of regrets, so in that regard I agree with KLG's statement about the "other issues." I've been on both sides of this fence. I don't regret one bit being competitive on the golf course when I was young and playing in every state tournament possible. Being a gentleman and respectful to your opponents was a given. To focus on the shot at hand didn't mean going blind to Mother Nature between shots. The brain needs that downtime. Today it's all about fun, but you still have to show your face when you puke on your shoes and be able to laugh about it over a cold one. It might have helped "Me" avoid his boxcar full of regrets.

[D. maculata]

Hey Ky, it could also be musings after too much Chivas Regal.

[Adam Clayman]

The old man forgot to ask for the sale. He failed to spell out the mere fact of concentrating so much on his own SCORE, he missed the greater enjoyment,
The lush green comment was contrary to fun golf, too. Otherwise, I thought the sentiments were GREAT.

[A3]

I regret all the times I played as a single at Bethpage that I did not take pictures and names of my playing partners. It would have made A great art project.

[Aunt Blabbie]

He's still not getting my Bud Light.

[Maslow]

Tlavin
It is unfortunate you think that way
I'm with Ghandi and wish you profound happiness

[BrianS]

I think a key to any happy life (or game, or career, or relationship) is to accept the current reality, while striving for improvement. Neither one of those should be at the expense of the other, and neither one invalidates the other. Good posting. thanks

[tongue in cheek]

Dear Younger Me,

Nice sentiment, but the real epiphany comes when the right-handed player points the club to the target at the top of the swing, then drives the right shoulder down to the ball on the downswing, pulling with the left, which keeps the club on plane and ensures proper approach to the ball. Doing this will help one start hitting the ball well again and then forget about all that other stuff you mentioned.

TIC

[Paboy]

Best thing I ever heard was "are you playing golf to make a pretty swing or the best score"

Second best "I love the game I hate the golfers"

[Jerry Foltz]

My day is already better for having read this. Thanks Geoff. And Aunt Blabbie, your post was absolutely classic.

[Gabe]

"Golf is a vehicle to liberation." --Ram Dass

[rhea sharma]

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