Tiger's Indefinite Leave Clippings, An Elephant Gets-The-Nod Edition

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Russell Simmons, the guy who introduced the American public to the art of def poetry (a.k.a. the thing they force on Guantanamo inmates after waterboarding stops working), is claiming that his people have been talking to Tiger's people and his people may even talk to Tiger Woods Friday to discuss the $3 million that our beloved little hermit might donate in the name of Haitian relief.

Are you sensing my skepticism?

Simone Weichselbaum and Samuel Goldsmith report for the New York Daily News:

Simmons and representatives from Wyclef Jean's Haitian relief organization Yele have asked Woods to support the effort. Simmons spokesman has been in touch with Woods managment team and they are "excited" about the idea.

"I am waiting to have the conversation [with Tiger] tomorrow morning," Simmons' spokesman Marcus Harris said. "I am hopeful that it is a yes."

"I am just asking for his heart and his hand," he said.

"Just to meet the needs of the people."

Uh, since you're asking him to write a check, could you also ask him where he is?

WSJ's Emily Steel tells us about Accenture's replacement for Tiger in their new $40-50 million ad campaign: a surfing elephant. He was a big hit with the people!

After nearly a month of focus-group testing and production work, Accenture is rolling out the new global marketing campaign this week. The creatures, which include an elephant, a chameleon and some frogs and fish, will star in a series of TV, print and online spots. They also will appear in airport ads in 28 countries.

The airport ads, which travelers will start seeing in the U.S. on Thursday, are aimed at Accenture's client base of senior business executives.

One of the posters shows an elephant balancing precariously on a surfboard. The text reads, "Who says you can't be big and nimble?" Another ad shows a frog leaping over three others, with the tagline, "Play quantum leapfrog."

Those advertising wizards have done it again!

Like most ad agencies, Young & Rubicam, Accenture's agency, had a few ideas in reserve that could be dusted off and put into production should the need arise. Y&R, a unit of WPP, gave Accenture some options. In the tests, the animal ads were the top performer. Other ideas that fell by the wayside included jugglers and jump-ropers.

Oh come on, what about the baton-twirlers? Surely they were in there too? Maybe a baton-twirling basset hound?

Jami Bernard on the new campaign:

Big and nimble. Accenture is certainly big (it raked in $21.6 billion in revenue during its past fiscal year). It's nimble, in the sense that it came up with a global advertising scheme a mere month after shedding Tiger. Big and nimble, okay. But how about smart?

The idea of the elephant - along with a chameleon and some frogs and fish - got a thumbs-up from advertising focus groups, so it's not as if the public will reject the ads. I should point out, though, that the typical focus group would also have given the okay to velvet paintings of wide-eyed puppies.

David Nichtern says Brit Hume's recommendation for Tiger to take up Christianity provides an "incredible opportunity for American Buddhists to step forward and share their tradition, experience and point of view."

My teacher, Trungpa Rinpoche, emphasized that Buddhism is a non-theistic discipline. By that he meant that we shouldn't rely on the power of an external, even if "divine", source for salvation or redemption. As he often said, "we have to hitch up our own chubas " or putting it more in the American vernacular "we have to pick up our own socks." Even more directly, "if you make a mess, then YOU have to clean it up".

Would hiding on your massive private yacht count?

There are many ways within the Buddhist tradition to heal, recover, repair, repent, or refrain from harmful actions, but the essence of all of these methods is restoring and re-connecting to one's own innate and indestructible goodness, not depending on salvation through the intervention of an external agent whether it be Buddha, Jesus or any other spiritual guide.

I'd call that a big yes.

Bob Carney is seeing a change in tone from Golf Digest readers when writing about Tiger. I could see that with these letters, but I'm not so sure about this set.

Add Paul Goydos to the list predicting that a few of those angry letter writers will probably be heckling

"He is going to be heckled without question," he said. "That's going to be part of the security issues for the PGA Tour to deal with over the next x number of months or years. I don't think there's any question that's going to be the case."

Diane Pucin notices that EA Sports has posted the latest version of the golf game and you can all rest easy, Tiger's name is still on it. ** Yes, because it's not the latest version.

And finally, George Lopez asked Charles Barkley about the status of his friendship with Tiger (still hasn't talked to him).

"I hurt my back pulling my reserved space sign out of a cement base in the parking lot at the LPGA Tour headquarters in Daytona Beach. I don't want a special space."

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Farrell Evans catches up with new LPGA Commish Mike Whan and I don't know about you, but The Metamucil Man has a nice ring to it, no?

You started your career at Procter & Gamble, where you were the lead brand manager for Metamucil and Crest, among other roles. How different is marketing Metamucil and toothpaste from women's golf?

This isn't my first time marketing to women. Crest's core audience consisted of women. But really the most important thing I think in marketing is getting to know what people want. I have spent most of my time in the new job asking questions and listening to learn the business.

And this was a great question by Farrell and quite a funny scene to imagine:

What's the funniest thing that's happened to you on the job so far?

I hurt my back pulling my reserved space sign out of a cement base in the parking lot at the LPGA Tour headquarters in Daytona Beach. I don't want a special space. This isn't the Mike Whan Tour. It's about the players, fans and corporate partners. We're all in the same foxhole.

Today's Twitter Wars And Other Assorted Embarrassing Tweets

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Seems we have a nice little Twitter spat developing between SI's Alan Shipnuck and Ryder Cup Captain Corey Pavin:


Or is it Mrs. Pavin putting the kibosh on Shipnuck?

And Stephanie Wei highlights an adorable Natalie Gulbis mistake. Make that, two mistakes.