"He’s now gone into the golf course architecture business, so I wrote him a note."

File this under the you can't make this stuff up file. It's Robert Trent Jones Jr. trying to channel Desmond Muirhead in the pre-round chats at the Grand Slam of golf:

ROBERT TRENT JONES JR. (Poipu Bay Golf Course designer): The weather can be changeable here. You can have very strong winds or you can kind of have mild winds and of course, the mild winds are kind of like a lamb. In the strong winds, it takes a Tiger to beat a tiger.

Okay, all together everyone, on three, one, two three, "Oy vey!"

He will tell you he’s comfortable with this particular course and that he’s played it so many times, it’s like Augusta or another course that you know. He has an advantage over player like Ogilvy, who is playing it for the first time. And then again, he’s Tiger Woods.

He’s now gone into the golf course architecture business, so I wrote him a note. I’ve known him since he was 14. I told him now that he’s going into defense, Napoleon defending Paris is a little different deal. If you need any help, call me. We had a little chat about it.

And I'm sure he'll pick up the phone to hear about that whole Napoleon-Paris metaphor.

(Does he view him as a competitor?): No. It’s good for the game. He’s an extremely well-known person, but design is different. To be a professional (golfer), you have to spend five years on the practice tee hitting balls. If you’re a golf architect, you have to spend at least five years in the dirt and on a bulldozer. It takes time to learn the other technical issues. Vive le difference. Every course is different, every game is different and that’s why we keep playing.

Okay, I'm due back on the planet earth now.