A Letter To Tiger...


Yesterday's announcement of Tiger Woods Design was not--how I can I put this as a prospective design partner--very impressive. Oh yeah, I'm nominating myself to be your associate. All I ask in return is 1% of your design fee based on the International and North American rates that your agent has been giving out.

And speaking of the big guys taking 10%...

I wouldn't have announced this one day after the Tour Championship that you skipped to save your energy for the $6 million in appearance fees you'll be hauling in over the next few weeks. Someone might get the wrong impression that you are in this design thing or this playing golf thing to accumulate more money than you'll ever need. You and I know otherwise. And I know you are probably about to announce your first course in that human rights hotbed China, but I still think another week might have bought just a little more memory loss from the golfing public. That's why you let them take that big 10%...and I could have offered this advice for just 1%!

Also, I think the 10% folks needed to have the web site up and running today when the press release went out. Minor detail, I know. And when this scribbler called the Tiger Woods Design office to ask a few quesions, it would have been nice to get a real person instead of a low grade voice mail message. If we were partners, they could have called here to my suite in the Home of the Homeless and I would have gladly answered questions. Well, until it hit 85 at around 11:15 a.m., an emergency situation that forces me to work out of my western office at 1 Pacific Coast Highway.

Anyway, I'm still waiting for my return call from the TWD offices. I was calling on behalf of a pretty big magazine, but so far, no luck. Not a good sign.

The last thing has to do with the nuts and bolts of this design stuff we both love. 

Your press release said that, "Every project will incorporate its chairman's highest standards and passion for golf."

Great, though I'd lose the chairman thing. I know the corporate people eat that stuff up, but they don't usually build golf courses.

Also, this is a little strange:

Having played on almost every continent, TWD plans to share Tiger's varied experiences with every skill level of golfer. For Tiger, this important goal embodies what he really loves about the sport. Whether it's bringing a traditional American design to Europe; or a links course to America  or Australian designs to China, TW Design knows the possibilities are endless.

So you want to import unique environments to create really cool courses. I hear ya there.

But the very next line in the press release material should not be this:

The belief in the importance of preserving the existing natural environment is another of TW  Design's core values.

See, you can't quite do the whole importing links to America and sandbelt to China, and then say you are preserving the natural environment.

I know, I'm quibbling again. But hey, just trying to show you how I'd earn my 1%.

This I liked:

To help us achieve this goal, we plan to utilize experts from around the  world who are dedicated to environmental preservation. As TW Design continues to grow, so will our roster of experts.

Remember, just 1%, that's all I charge. Shoot, for the Internationals gigs, I'll take .5%...I can still pull in, oh I better not say. I'll even figure out a way to design water hazards that Stevie can drop 9-irons into without losing them. Now, designing for the Nikons he chucks might be a little tougher, but we can work on that.

Yours in design,