In Tim Rosaforte's story about the Winged Foot rough harvest, he noted that USGA President Walter Driver impersonated a green chairman-gone-mad by text messaging new course setup man Mike Davis with concerns about the new tiered rough.
Well, it turns out there were several messages sent to Davis as Driver played Winged Foot in a charity event Monday. Thanks to my Blackberry monitoring friends at the NSA, I have obtained Driver's messages to Davis.
02:22:12 PM EST Driver here. Lost a ball already in the third cut on #1. Bad caddy but still…get this taken down ASAP so XC doesn’t have to play this in advance scouting rounds week before Open. And the intermediate cut is too low. Have Greynook raise it ¼ of an inch, because I advanced several balls with spin. Must be the grooves ruining game. But still, get on this right away. That is, the height of the intermediate cut, not the grooves. Rugge is handling that for me.
02:31:45 PM EST Driver here again. Just four-putted #1. Why didn’t you have Fazio soften this green?
03:11:01 PM EST Driver here again. Just birdied 4 from rough. But that's not why I'm writing. Lost Blackberry reception on 4 green. Please look into this. Can't have this during Open.
03:55:50 PM EST Driver here again. Just played #6. Fairway too wide. Paced it off at 21 yards. And I’m not sure about eliminating intermediate cut on the short holes. That was DBFay’s idea right? Please advise ASAP. Tom Rostafort is hanging around, wanting quotes. I have to make sure blame is properly attributed.
05:45:23 PM EST Okay, you must be in a meeting and that’s why you haven’t responded to these messages. Driver here yet again. We are at almost 6 hours through 16 holes, big wait on 17 tee. Call pro shop and tell them I have the Citation prepped and waiting over at KHPN (Westchester County Airport for those of you who still fly coach). I don’t want to keep the plane and my guests from Goldman Sachs waiting. We have to be at Pine Valley for a breakfast meeting and golf to analyze possible 2021 Walker Cup.